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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Commentary #200: Babylon 5 – In the Kingdom of the Blind
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 17 Sep 2017 12:24

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, blackmailed, in front of the Season 5 Babylon 5 episode ‘In the Kingdom of the Blind’, and spout our usual nonsense! Byron and his flowing locks are attempting some dirty blackmail, the Centauri Regent has taken to drink and Londo Mollari needs to watch […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #271: That Derby Aroma
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 10 Sep 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, the Real Keith Dunn and Scott Fuller recount their time at the recent Whooverville 9 Doctor Who convention, talk about media we’ve been consuming, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:30 — Welcome! 03:26 – News: 03:34 — […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #199: Doctor Who – Oxygen
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Mon, 04 Sep 2017 11:06

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, hypoxiated, in front of the 2017 Doctor Who S10 episode, ‘Oxygen’, and spout our usual nonsense! Bill is having a bad suit day, the Doctor is giving her his helmet and the techno-zombies are running rampant. But enough of their problems, please sit down […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #270: As Each Doctor Became
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 27 Aug 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Jean Riddler and Keith Dunn review Big Finish’s ‘Power Play’ audio play, discuss when each actor became the Doctor, talk about media we’ve been consuming, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:08 — Welcome! 01:59 – News: 02:10 […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #198: Babylon 5 – Day of the Dead
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 20 Aug 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, visited, in front of the Neil Gaiman’s Season 5 Babylon 5 episode ‘Day of the Dead’, and spout our usual nonsense! Zooty has a terrible secret, Lennier has a shadowy visitor, Lochley is trying to establish an identity for herself and Kosh has another […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #269: Jago, Litefoot and AsBill
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 13 Aug 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Crumbly, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn have a retrospective on Doctor Who ‘Series 10’, discuss Big Finish’s ‘Jago and Litefoot, Series 4’ audio boxset, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. […]

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Rogue Warriors

Rogue Warriors:
Season One, Episode Four

By Andy Dunn


Zeus’s jail cell was small and dirty with one bed, one sink and one dirty toilet. The wall had scratch marks, which indicated that he had been there for seven days and grew.

“This is completely ridiculous” he thought, “An evil genius like me should at least get a better condition jail cell”.

“Shut up in there, Professor!” snapped a policeman as he banged his club on the bars.

“You can’t order me around for long!” shouted Zeus “I’ll get out of here eventually and conquer the world!”.

“Sure you will!” said the policeman sarcastically “And I’m going to be head of the entire Metropolitan police force. It just ain’t gonna happen, prof!”

As the policeman walks of, Zeus begins to mumble to himself angrily.

“Psst! Yo mate?” called a prisoner opposite Zeus’s cell.

“What do you want!” said Zeus angrily.

“I couldn’t help overhearing that you wish to escape and take over the world,” said the prisoner.

“You should learn to MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUISNESS, BOY!” snapped Zeus.

Zeus took a moment to calm down.

“What is your point, anyway?” he asked calmly.

“If you let me” said the prisoner “I can help you escape”.

Zeus suddenly seems interested.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Lets just say that I’m a friend who wishes to gain power,” said the prisoner.

“No dammit! What’s your name?” asked Zeus.

“Call me Hank”.

“Ok Hank, what do we do? asked Zeus.

“Wait until tonight and do exactly what I say” said Hank.

*

The next morning at Simon’s house, Alison wrote up a list.

“Simon, I need you to go shopping for me today” she said.

“Ok, Alison” said Simon.

As Vicky overheard this, her eye suddenly lit up.

“Shopping! Can I come and help?” she asked excitedly.

Simon looked back nervously.

“Of coarse, you can go,” said Alison suddenly.

Vicky then jumped with excitement.

“I’ll go and get my purse!” she said as she ran off.

Ben and George started to laugh.

“Heh! You're in trouble now mate!” gloated Chucky.

“Don’t be so cheeky, Chucky” said Alison “because you and Helen are going too”.

“No!” shouted Chucky with a scared look on his face.

“Please don’t make me go?” he begged “Vicky’s absolutely crazy when it comes to shopping”.

“Maybe you should watch what you say from now on,” said Charles.

Chucky then frowned at him. Dave then turned the TV to the news.

“Hey guys, check this out” he called.

Everyone crowded round the telly.

“Breaking news!” it said, “At 9pm last night, Zeus and Hank the murderous mobster, broke out of a high security prison.”.

Everyone suddenly gasped.

“The security officer in charge, discovered the two cells empty at 6am this morning” the news explains “It appears that the bar doors was repeatedly bashed in by the beds until it broke the locks”.

George then turned off the telly.

“This shouldn’t be possible,” said Ben.

“Don’t think that’s not possible” said Chucky “Zeus would use any means necessary in order to escape”.

“He’s even more dangerous when he’s got some help” explained Charles.

“God knows what he’s up to when he has a mass murderer on his side” sais Dave.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the front door. George answered it. They were to government agents.

“Morning, son” said on of the agents “We wish to speak to Charles and Dave please?”.

“Charles, Dave?” called George “It’s for you two”.

Charles and Dave approached the door.

“Can we help you?” asked Charles.

“Yes,” said one of the agents “The Prime Minister has requested your presence, immediately”.

“What is this about?” asked Dave.

“It regards Zeus and the murderous mobster, Hank,” said the other agent.

Chucky then came outside.

“What’s this about?” he asked.

“Sorry kid” said the agents “Official government business”.

“Are they in trouble?” asked Chucky.

“No, we’re not in trouble,” said Dave.

“They’re just taking us to see the Prime Minister,” said Charles.

The agents then took Dave and Charles to the black limbo and drove off.

When Charles and Dave stepped out of the limo, they are amazed when they saw a large building in front of them.

The agents’ came up and said “Boys, welcome to MI6 headquarters”.

“I thought this was only in ‘James Bond’ films,” said Dave.

“No” said one agent “This is real life”.

“The Prime Minister is waiting inside,” said the other agent.

The four entered the headquarters.

Inside, some people were testing out gadgets and new weapons. The Prime Minister approached Dave and Charles.

“Ah, boys, I’m glad that you’ve arrived” he said.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, sir” said Charles.

“This place is cool” Said Dave as he looked around.

“Don’t touch anything!” snapped Charles.

“Don’t worry, they’re not dangerous” said the Prime Minister “they’re just being tested”.

As Dave continued to look around, the Prime Minister said to Charles “I suppose you know why I could you both here today?”

“Zeus” said Charles.

“That’s right,” said the Prime Minister.

“Do you want us to take him out?” asked Charles.

“No” said the Prime Minister “I want you to spy on him”.

“Spy on him?” said Charles confusingly.

“Yes” said the Prime Minister “He has an experienced, mass murderer working with him. I want to know on what they are planning”.

“How are we going to do that?” asked Charles.

“With these” said the Prime Minister.

He handed Charles two COM lenses.

“When you wear this around your head” he explained, “it’ll show me what you are seeing on the monitor screen”.

Charles wore a COM lens. A second later, the screen turned on and revealed what he was currently seeing.

“It works,” said the Prime Minister.

“Yes!” said Charles “Come on Dave, we got a mission to do”.

Dave was in the front seat of a BMW. He was about to press a button.

“NO, DON’T PRESS THAT” yelled a scientist.

“Huh?” said Dave as he pressed it.

The car began to power up.

“FINGERPRINT SCAN UNKNOWN, INTRUDER ALEART” said the car’s computer system.

A few seconds later, Dave was suddenly swallowed up whole by the car seat.

“Hey! Get me outta here!” he mumbled.

As people attempted to free Dave, Charles started to chuckle.

“Charles!” said the Prime Minister “It is absolutely imperative that you succeed in this mission. Having a mass murderer on his side can make Zeus incredibly dangerous. If they aren’t stopped, they could do something terribly sinister to the country”.

“Don’t worry, sir,” said Charles “we’ll get to the bottom of this”.

Charles then looked at Dave who was struggling to get free from the car.

“Even if one is tangled up” Joked Charles.

*

Simon, Chucky, Vicky and Helen left Sainsbury's with their shopping. Simon and Chucky were carrying the bags.

“Boy, that was easier than I thought,” said Chucky.

“I’m surprised that it wasn’t that crowded,” said Simon.

“Where shall we go next, Simon?” asked Helen while she munched away at her sweets.

Vicky, to her delight, suddenly spotted a clothes shop.

“Let’s go in here,” she said excitedly.

Simon sighed.

“Uh oh! It’s started,” said Chucky nervously.

“Huh? Said Simon.

“A word of warning, Simon” said Chucky “from this point, do not disagree with her”.

“Just be nice while she tries on new clothes” said Helenas she continued to eat her sweets.

As they entered the shop, Vicky rushed rounda and picked out some clothes. She entered a changing room.

“Helen? Can you come and help me with these please?” She asked.

Helen also entered the changing room. Simon and Chucky looked at each other confusingly. A few seconds later, Vicky came out and wore a long skirt and a small and slightly faded top.

“Well? What do you think boys?” She asked.

Simon and Chucky look shocked. Vicky then smiled.

“How cute. You two are stunned for words” she said happily, “I hope this’ll get Charles to notice me too. Let’s go and pay for this Helen”.

“Ok, Vicky” said Helen happily.

A few seconds later, Vicky gets changed back into her normal uniform and headed to the pay tills with Helen. Simon and Chucky still look shocked.

Simon then turned to Chucky and said, “Tell me we were the only ones that saw through her top!”

“No, I saw it too” said a person behind them.

They turned and looked at the man. He then walked off.

“Charles is going to have a big surprise tonight if Vicky wears that in front of him” said Chucky.

*

Charles and Dave arrived at Zeus’s lab. They entered slowly as they prepared for an ambush. The place was deserted.

“Let’s have a look around,” said Charles “they must’ve left a clue somewhere”.

They started to search the place.

Dave managed to find the surveillance room.

“Charles, come here!” he called.

“What is it, Dave?” asked Charles.

“I think I found surveillance videos” said Dave.

“Great!” said Charles “Put one on”.

Dave then put a video in the computers VCR. The video uploaded on the computer screen, which showed Zeus and Hank.

“Did you get the formula, Hank?” Asked Zeus.

“Yeah. I had to kill a couple of the scientists to get it,” said Hank.

“Excellent” said Zeus.

The video showed Zeus approached his chemistry set.

“So what did you need it for?” asked Hank “It’s just a vaccine”.

“I am going inject it with normal human flu” explained Zeus “stir it around for a bit, and pour it in this jar containing the bird flu”.

Zeus and Hank then put on their gas masks.

“This will allow the two to mutate and form into one deadly virus that will kill millions of people,” said Zeus.

“I like where this is going” said Hank with an evil grin.

“Then we head to the river Thames and dump it in the irrigation systems” said Zeus.

“HAHAHAHAHA!” Laughed Hank.

“London’s population will rapidly die off, once they drink the water,” said Zeus “and the Prime Minister will have no choice but to give control of the country to us”.

The Video then ended. Charles and Dave look shocked.

“Oh my god!” said Dave.

“Mister Prime Minister? Did you get any of that?” asked Charles into his communicator.

“We got every moment of it, Charles,” said the Prime Minister through the communicator.

“We gotta stop them, Charles,” said Dave “They could release the virus at any time”.

“At approximately two hours from now, to be precise” said Zeus as he and Hank enters the lab.

“Zeus!” said Dave angrily.

“What does wiping out an entire city prove?” asked Charles.

“It shows that the Prime minister should told me who completely controls this pitiful country when I gave him the chance” said Zeus “But now I had to resort to this”.

Zeus closely looked at Dave’s COM lens.

“Mister Prime Minister, I know you’re watching and listening, the blood of every single person in London will soon be in your hands!” said Zeus.

“I know who controls this country, Professor” said Hank.

“Who is it, Hank?” asked Zeus in delight.

“It’s the Que…”

Before Hank could finish his sentence, Dave suddenly attacked him. Hank tried to push Dave back, but Charles knocked him to the floor. Before Dave could knock Hank out, Zeus whacked him round the head with a metal pipe that knocked him out instead.

“Dave!” shouted Charles.

He then looked at Zeus with anger and prepared to charge at him, but before he could, Hank grabbed him round the neck and put him in a sleeper hold. Charles was now knocked out. Hank then picked up both COM lenses and broke them.

*

Back at Simon’s house, Vicky entered the living room and started to show off her new clothes.

“Do you guys like what I’m wearing?” she asked.

Ben and George look Shocked while Simon and Chucky look embarrassed.

“Vicky!” shouted Alison “Put on something de…”

“Shhh!” interrupted Chucky as he covered Alison’s mouth.

He took her to the kitchen and closed the door.

“Whatever you do,” said Chucky “Don’t badmouth her taste for clothes. Otherwise, she’ll go all psycho on you”.

“Doesn’t she know that top reveals her breasts?” asked Alison.

“I don’t think she realises that,” said Chucky “But don’t tell her that. She’ll think that you are referring her to being a slut”.

Alison then took a deep breath and said “Ok”.

She walked back in the living room nervously to face Vicky.

“I think your clothes suit you, Vicky,” said Alison nervously.

“Why, thank you, Alison” said Vicky Happily.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Ben answered it.

“Mister Prime Minister!” he said.

“We’ve gotta serious problem” said the Prime Minister.

Chucky, Helen and Simon approached the Prime Minister.

“What’s wrong, sir?” asked Simon.

“Your friends, Charles and Dave are being held captive at Zeus’s Lab”.

As she overheard this, Vicky suddenly ran up to the Prime Minister.

“What!” she shouted “Well, we gotta rescue them now!”

After he looked at Vicky, The Prime Minister suddenly looked shocked.

“Don’t you think you should change into your uniform first, Vicky?” he asked.

“There’s no time!” said Vicky as she rushed outside “I gotta go and save Charles first. Zeus is gonna pay for kidnapping my love!”

Simon, Chucky and Helen shortly followed her.

*

Charles and Dave were tied to chairs. Hank chucked a bucket of water over them to wake them up.

“Uhh! Where are we?” groaned Dave.

“You’re in my Lab, boys,” said Zeus.

“Why are you keeping us alive like this?” asked Charles.

“Because, I’m giving you two the honour to witness my evil plan to take it’s course and wipe out London” stated Zeus.

Dave started to growl.

“For it is not I who will unleash the mutated bird flu virus” said Zeus “It is you, boys”.

“WE WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING!!!” yelled Charles.

“Oh you will” explained Zeus “because in one hour, Hank here will once again knock you both out, take you to the Thames and after he pours the virus in the river, he’ll place the vials in both your hands”.

Hank started to laugh.

“Once the people have seen what you’ve done, they’ll hunt you down and kill you and then no one stand in our way to conquer the world! HAHAHAHA!” said Zeus.

Suddenly, the lab door exploded. A few soldiers rushed in and prepared to open fire. Hank, saw this began to charge and knocked them down. He got his knife out and started to gut a few soldiers that killed them completely. Vicky then entered the room and attempted to free Charles and Dave. Simon, Chucky and Helen entered the lab. Hank saw what Vicky was doing and started to charge at her with his knife.

“VICKY, LOOK OUT!!” yelled Charles.

She turned round and saw Hank coming. Hank then stopped in his tracks and suddenly looked shocked. Vicky looked scared and then confused. More soldiers then rushed in and shot Hank multiple times. He then dropped dead in front of Vicky. She then screamed.

The Soldiers then captured Zeus and took to custody.

“Are you ok, Vicky?” asked Simon.

“Am I ok!? I JUST HAD DEAD GUY FALL ON MY FEET! DO I BLOODY LOOK OK!??!” yelled Vicky.

Chucky and Helen untied Charles and Dave.

“Thanks for coming to rescue us Vicky” said Charles. He then quickly gave her a peck on the cheek.

Vicky’s eye suddenly now filled with love and she started to blush. Charles and the others started to leave the lab.

“Charles!” Shouted Vicky “Do you like my new clothes?” she asked.

Charles turned to face her.

“That top is a bit too revealing,” he said.

“What do you mean?” Vicky asked angrily.

“Look in a mirror” said Chucky.

Vicky turned to the large monitor and was able to see herself. She then saw how revealing her top was and suddenly looked embarrassed. She grabbed a lab coat to cover herself and rejoined the others.

“Why didn’t any of you guys tell me this top was revealing?” asked Vicky.

“Because we know how upset you get when someone badmouths your clothes” said Chucky.

“So you let me walk around London for three hours looking like a complete and total tit?” Vicky asked angrily.

“I must say, you were definitely showing it!” joked Simon .

The others began to laugh whilst Vicky growls.

“I hate you all!” she shouted.

***

Season One, Episode Five