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Staggering Stories Podcast #364: Ringstone Round
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 04 Apr 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: The Time Warrior and 1979’s Quatermass series, talk about media we’ve been consuming, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:00 — Welcome! 01:52 – News: 02:03 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #363: K9 Phone Home
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 21 Mar 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Jean Riddler review K9 and Company and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:16 — Welcome! 02:04 – News: 02:16 — Star Trek: Strange New Cast. 04:58 — Doctor Who: Big Finish Main Range […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #362: Whales, Robots and Nuclear Wessels
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 07 Mar 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Big Finish’s The Diary of River Song: Series 8 boxset and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:52 — Welcome! 02:48 – […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #361: Alien Doctors and Giant Robots
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 21 Feb 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: Robot and the first three episodes of Resident Alien, talk about media we’ve been consuming, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:38 — Welcome! 02:15 – […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #360: The Caves of 1984
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 07 Feb 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: The Caves of Androzani and Wonder Woman 1984, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:02 — Welcome! 02:03 – News: 02:10 — Doctor Who: Season 24 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #359: Master Who
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 24 Jan 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Big Finish’s Masterful boxset, discuss Doctor Who’s character The Master, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:07 — Welcome! 02:01 – News: 02:10 — Doctor Who: Stay on […]

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News of the Universes Alf Roland

By Alf Roland
Chief Pan-Universal Correspondent

Kirk Revolts Federation Mass Protest

A weekend of Federation-wide anti-Kirk demonstrations has brought millions of people out onto the streets in protest of Starfleet Captain James T. Kirk's bizarre and disturbing behaviour.

Most protests were on Saturday, but up to 750,000 people took part in a final event in San Francisco on Sunday, after police closed off the city the day before to protect the public from images of the insane Kirk streaking through the streets.

Between sixteen and twenty million people are thought to have marched on up to 60 worlds over the weekend - the largest demonstrations of their kind since the reviled novelist Captain Jonathan Archer released a string of novels after a time travelling romp to Belmarsh Prison, England, Earth and the year 2002.

Friends of Kirk put his recent mental state down to the shock he suffered when he found his best friend Spock floating face down in the sewage pool of the USS Enterprise. Persistent allegations that Kirk murdered his friend after the Vulcan objected to the Captain's proposed debut album - 'Enterprise in the Sky with Diamonds'. Others have speculated that Spock was planning a rival singing career but, illogical as that may be, no doubt it would not have included scenes of him poll dancing and spinning tassells from his rolls of fat, unlike Kirk's.

Whatever the cause, Kirk's recent parading of his uncorseted blubber on key Federation worlds and his ravishing of toothless old ladies has rocked the Federation government. His outspoken calls to be given constant air-time on all broadcast media and the repealing of the ban on the showing of psychologically damaging content have caused panic on all civilised worlds.

When cornered, Kirk's only reply to our questions was to 'sing' his latest pop cover outrage: "I wish I could - fly - but I - can't."

Federation security forces are warning to be vigilant against a string of Kirk doubles that are roaming the galaxy, possibly on Kirk's orders to help confuse the situation or simply to protect the real Kirk. Authorities are known to be developing a new technobabble device of the week to counter this threat of Kirk and his legion of mass distraction.