Recent Blog Entries

Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Commentary #211: Doctor Who – World Enough and Time
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 18 Feb 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, pained, in front of the 2017 Doctor Who S10 episode, ‘World Enough and Time’, and spout our usual nonsense! Bill’s innards are feeling a bit of a draft, Razor is channeling Zathras and the Doctor is taking years to do anything. But enough of […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #282: Lighting Up Leicester
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 11 Feb 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, the Real Keith Dunn and Scott Fuller review the 2013 Big Finish Doctor Who 50th anniversary story ‘The Light at the End’, discuss their visit to the Doctor Who convention ‘Science of the Time Lords’, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #210: Babylon 5 – The Wheel of Fire
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 04 Feb 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, bargaining, in front of the Season 5 Babylon 5 episode ‘The Wheel of Fire’, and spout our usual nonsense! G’Kar has become a cult, Delenn has a parasite and Lochley finally does something. But enough of their problems, please sit down with us to […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #281: Ruler of Swindon (or maybe Sweden?)
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 28 Jan 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith and the Real Keith Dunn discuss our Top Ten 2017 Films, review the 2017 Big Finish Doctor Who boxset ‘The New Adventures of Bernice Summerfield, Vol. 4 – Ruler of the Universe’, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #209: Doctor Who – The Eaters of Light
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 21 Jan 2018 10:55

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, consuming, in front of the 2017 Doctor Who S10 episode, ‘The Eaters of Light’, and spout our usual nonsense! Bill has fallen down a hole (again), Nardole is getting inked up and Kar is fending off a demon. But enough of their problems, please […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #280: Welcome to the Annual Predictability
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 14 Jan 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Scott Fuller discuss Capaldi’s best Doctor Who bits, review the film Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle, come up with our Predictions, Hopes and Dreams, and Fears for 2018, see how wrong we were about our Predictions for 2017, find some general news, […]

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News of the Universes Alf Roland

By Alf Roland
Chief Pan-Universal Correspondent

Disco Killed the Death Star DJ Tarkin

A shocking leak has fallen into the lap of The News of the Universes, the truth behind the destruction of the first Death Star can at last be revealed!
Official history tells of the Rebel Alliance staging a heroic last stand against the mighty battle station and winning against all odds. But it was no penetrating torpedo that made the Death Star explode, it was Disco!

DJ Tarkin
Imperial Grand Beat Master, DJ 'moth eaten' Tarkin, was ordered by the Evil Emperor to lure the unsuspecting Rebels aboard the dread Death Star with promise of 'kicking tunes'. The truth was stranger than the fiction, as the Death Star was not the world destroyer it has previously been protrayed as - in reality it was a massive mobile party venue. Top Secret documents confirm that the Evil Emperor had originally planned to visit dissident worlds with the Disco Death Star and force the entire populace to engage in outrageous dance routines until they submitted to his rule.

Funk Masters
DJ Tarkin and Dance Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader, had not expected to meet a group whose 'power of the funk' outshone even their own legendary levels. The incestuous love triangle trio of Han Solo, Leia Organa and Luke Skywalker burst their way onto the dance floor in what one eyewitness described as 'more gyrating body popping than a salted Hutt'. Luke Skywalker, who was at the time new in the ways of the funk, explained the unfortunate events that occurred next.

"We'd finished our routine to wild applause but I could tell Ben 'aging hippy' Kenobi thought he could out-do us. At the time I didn't know Ben used to teach Vader how to strut his stuff, or that they fell out over which of them deserved the biggest medallion."

Disco Death Star

Death By Boogie
Disco Diva Darth and Groove Meister Ben battled it out on the dance floor but the aging Beatnik Kenobi was no match for his one-time apprentice.

"We could all tell Ben was falling behind when he suddenly did a body jurking power point to the ceiling, spraying a wave of sticky sweat over us all. Before our very eyes he spontaneously evaporated into a pungent mist! All that was left was his posing cloak and super shined medallion that fell to the floor. Vader back-flipped onto the damp remains and proceeded to head-spin! Well, I'd had enough..."

Brown Trousers
Young Funk Knight Luke Skywalker admitted how, in a flash of anger, he whipped out his weapon and fired at Vader. Reports suggest that the blaster bolt bounced off Vader's polished dome, ricocheted off Han 'The Man' Solo's medallion and hit DJ Tarkin's 'Imperial Mixing Deck'. Skywalker continues:

"Tarkin came across the plans to the Disco Death Star many years before and put his entire career into getting the go-ahead for the project. He was devastated when his prized Deck blew up in his face. He threw a paddy, hitting every button on his smoking board - the thing that most disturbed us was that he wasn't even keeping in time with the fading music!"

Big Bang
It is apparent that in his unchoreographed rage caused him to hit the self destruct mechanism, speculation is still rife whether it was deliberate or accidental. The small group in the Tarkin's Executive Discotheque were the first to get a warning signal as they watched DJ Tarkin soil himself and the floor around the edges of his mega-flares. Emergency claxons around the rest of the station were believed to be drowned out by the banging pop beats piped throughout the station. The official investigation does match the truth in one regard - only a handful of Rebels and Darth Vader escaped the area of the Death Star before it exploded.