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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #338: The Chronic Hysteresis Edition
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 05 Apr 2020 08:00

Summary: Apologies for the poor audio quality in this first lockdown episode. Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review the animated release of Doctor Who: The Faceless ones and discuss the first season of Star Trek: Picard, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #234: Doctor Who – Praxeus
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 29 Mar 2020 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Keith Dunn and Steven Clare sit down, plasticed, in front of 2020 Doctor Who episode ‘Praxeus’, and spout our usual nonsense! Yaz is teleporting before thinking, Ryan gets a pat down, Sam Bishop is undercover as Jake and the Doctor has split up. But enough of their problems, please […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #337: Making a Horse Sick
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 22 Mar 2020 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare look back at Doctor Who: Series 12 (2020), talk about their time at the Doctor Who: The Talons of Weng Chiang event at the BFI Southbank, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #233: Doctor Who – Fugitive of the Judoon
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 15 Mar 2020 19:05

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Keith Dunn and Steven Clare sit down, buried, in front of 2020 Doctor Who episode ‘Fugitive of the Judoon’, and spout our usual nonsense! Ruth is failing to talk about the past, the fam are conveniently scooped out of the main plot and the Doctor’s mind is blown. But […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #336: The Timeless Podcasters
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 08 Mar 2020 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review Doctor Who: Ascension of the Cybermen and The Timeless Children, talk about their time at Gallifrey One, get out of a Doctor Who Escape Room, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #232: Doctor Who – Nikola Telsa’s Night of Terror
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 01 Mar 2020 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell and Keith Dunn sit down, shocked, in front of 2020 Doctor Who episode ‘Nikola Telsa’s Night of Terror’, and spout our usual nonsense! Tesla is besieged by aliens, the Skithra make the Racnoss look convincing and the Doctor has met a like-mind. But enough of their problems, please sit down with […]

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News of the Universes Alf Roland

By Alf Roland
Chief Pan-Universal Correspondent

Father Christmas Exposed Christmas: Who's the Master now?

The shocking truth of Father Christmas was revealed yesterday when a source close to the festive icon disclosed the latest criminal act, and more besides.

It has long been a speculated how Father Christmas manages to visit so many millions of homes each year in the space of about 24 hours. Magic is the generally accepted truth and The News of the Universes can exclusively confirm this to be the case and tell the world that Father Christmas is actually an ancient god.

String of Aliases
Bad god Father Christmas has a long history of altering his name and appearance to flee from the law. His first known appearance was as risqué pagan god Woden, known for distributing his filthy gifts in mid-winter. The next recorded sighting was as St. Nicholas, baby eating Bishop of Myra who wormed his way into becoming the patron saint of children (not to be confused with St. Michael, the patron saint of underwear). Reports of St. Nicholas' visits to Holland include the figure known only as Black Peter, who would accompany Father Christmas and torture naughty children and politicians (though the latter are known to have enjoyed the depraved acts). Other known aliases include Sinta Class, Kriss Kringle, Santa Claus and Gary Glitter.

Old Nic
Faced with a population that is rapidly increasing beyond the six billion mark, Father Christmas was allegedly having trouble coping. Even his army of Rent-a-Santa agents planted at every shopping centre in the western world, ready to take over when the time is right, are not enough.

"It's been a nightmare!" said a source close to Christmas who wished to keep her anonymity. "Last year we missed out George W. Bush and look what it did to him!"

In a desperate bid to regain control of the festive period Father Christmas has found a new way to beat the clock - with a stolen TARDIS.

The New Daddy
Former owner of the TARDIS, a renegade Time Lord previously known as The Master, has found himself, in all fifteen incarnations, the unwilling slave of Christmas.

"Who's the Master now? It's me, big bad Father Christmas." the tyrannical festive plumper is reported as saying, before finishing with "Christmas is going to make you his bitch!"

Our inside source at the Lapland cave hide-out in the Korvatunturi mountains says this of the day: "I've haven't seen him this happy since he enslaved the elven people! We certainly got through a lot of whips that year!"

Glue Factory
With no need for his trusty old reindeer Christmas has taken up recycling in a typically brutal fashion - he certainly won't need to buy sellotape for a while. A glut of mounted reindeer heads has caused widespread panic in taxidermy circles. Phil Stiff of the Association of Taxidermists comments: "If these prices keep dropping we're going to be stuffed."

Horn of Plenty
With his new association with the Master, perhaps even more shocking than his deal in the 1950's with one time cocaine peddlers Coca Cola, Christmas has hinted to the universe his true intentions. Insiders suggest he is planning to make the world economy collapse and cause the earth to fill up with tacky gifts and killer plastic trees.