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Staggering Stories Commentary #238: Doctor Who – The Timeless Children
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Mon, 22 Nov 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, matrixed, in front of 2020 Doctor Who episode ‘The Timeless Children’, and spout our usual nonsense! Tecteun has grabbed a child, the Cyberium is playing coy and the Doctor discovers her shocking past. But enough of their problems, please sit down with us to […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #380: The Dog and Wok
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 14 Nov 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review the new Doctor Who episodes The Halloween Apocalypse and War of the Sontarans, discuss their BFI visit to preview Doctor Who: Galaxy 4, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #237: Doctor Who – Ascension of the Cybermen
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Mon, 08 Nov 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, boundaried, in front of 2020 Doctor Who episode ‘Ascension of the Cybermen’, and spout our usual nonsense! Brendan is having an odd life, Ashad has found some friends and the Doctor spies something familiar through a hole. But enough of their problems, please sit […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #379: Chimes of Midnight Mass
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 31 Oct 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Jean Riddler and Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: The Chimes of Midnight (Big Finish) and Netflix’s Midnight Mass, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:09 — Welcome! 02:25 – News: 02:45 — Doctor Who: Series 13 timed and […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #236: Doctor Who – The Haunting of Villa Diodati
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 24 Oct 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, spooked, in front of 2020 Doctor Who episode ‘The Haunting of Villa Diodati’, and spout our usual nonsense! Graham needs the loo, Ryan gets a skeletal hand in the face and the Doctor gets hit upon. But enough of their problems, please sit down […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #378: What If… Dizzy Daleks
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 17 Oct 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review Doctor Who: The Evil of the Daleks and Marvel’s first season of What If…?, talk about media we’ve been consuming, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. […]

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News of the Universes Alf Roland

By Alf Roland
Chief Pan-Universal Correspondent

Plungers at Midnight Flaming Pier

Chaos erupted at the famous Palace Pier in Brighton, England, yesterday when a savage turf war broke out between the Daleks and Metal Mickey.

Dusty Bins
TV has-beens the Daleks are believed to be attempting to stage a comeback in this their fortieth year of being trapped on Earth. For more than two decades they have been eeking out a living as parodies of their former selves on such comedy programmes as Spike Milligan's Q, The Lenny Henry Show and The Five Doctors. In recent years times have been even worse for the fallen conquerors who have been forced to sell out to Kit-Kat and, most recently, act as novelty bubble gum dispensers at Brighton and Skegness seasides.

At a hastily arranged street corner fundraiser event, three months ago, the only indication of their future plans were found in the subtle subtext of their joint chant: "You will obey! Big Issue! Big Issue! BIG ISSUE!!"

Death by Face Cream
A top celebrity shrink told The News of the Universes how the Daleks have failed to get over the surprise death of their leader, Davros, in 1997. Even now details are sketchy but it is widely believed the dermatologically challenged scientist failed to read the instructions on a bottle of Oil of Olay and coated himself in fifty-eight tubs of the skin cream. The inquest found that his alien physiology reacted with the large quantity of cream, sending him into anaphylactic shock. He was found three weeks later by his next door neighbour, having slipped completely down into his mobile commode and drowning in this own filth.

Metal Monkey
Early 80's TV giant Metal Mickey has had a similarly hard time since his show was cancelled almost twenty years ago. Unable to get work, he was convicted in 1994 of impersonating a London postbox in a bid to steal any money or valuables he could find in the letters and packages. The harsh sentence put down by the court was that Mickey must act as the stunt double for Mr. Blobby, a fate that campaigners thought bad enough even without having to work alongside Noel Edmonds. Mickey was quoted as saying "Boogie, boogie, er, Blobby, Blobby, Blobby, my little fruitbat."

After a torrid affair with K-9, whom he once famously referred to as his "robo-bitch", Mickey was admitted to clinic in an attempt to kick his 20-a-day Atomic Thunderbuster habit.

Flaming Pier
Tensions between the Daleks and Metal Mickey have been increasing in the past few months as they both attempted to work the same seaside attraction circuits as amusing items for the tourists to be photographed alongside. Yesterday evening this broke out into open warfare at the end of Palace Pier in Brighton. One eyewitness explained that it began when a tourist with a wide-angle lensed camera asked for a picture of both a Dalek and Metal Mickey at the same time. Further reports suggest that it was the Daleks' agent who caused the problem by refusing to allow the Daleks to share the fee with Mickey.

At least one Dalek is confirmed to have died in the battle and Metal Mickey has not been seen since the ensuing blaze that severely damaged the historic landmark. Police divers are combing the area but say their search is hampered by the large quantity of old supermarket trolleys and Ford Escorts littering the Brighton coastline.