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Staggering Stories Podcast #403: The Shatner Frontier
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 02 Oct 2022 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn review Torchwood: God Among Us Vol. 1 (Big Finish) and the 1989 film Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:08 — Welcome! 02:05- News: 02:16 — Doctor Who: Centenary […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #402: Special Speculations
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 18 Sep 2022 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn speculate and share their hopes for the Doctor Who 60th anniversary special, play a game, find a tiny bit of news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:38 — Welcome! 01:24 – News: 01:34 — […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #401: No Touch Podcast!
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 04 Sep 2022 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: The Seeds of Doom and the 1984 film The NeverEnding Story, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:59 — Welcome! 02:13 – News: 02:13 — Doctor Who: Season […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #400: Party on, Vardans!
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 21 Aug 2022 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Crumbly, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: The Invasion of Time, and Bill and Ted Face the Music, play some games, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 02:12 — Welcome! 03:10 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #399: Like It’s 2016
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 07 Aug 2022 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Star Trek: Strange New Worlds Season 1, share our memories of Bernard Cribbins, Nichelle Nichols and David Warner, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:09 — Welcome! 01:36 – News: […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #398: Weaponised Winking and 80s Music
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 24 Jul 2022 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: Out of Time 3 – Wink (Big Finish) and Stranger Things: Season 4, Volume 2, discuss watching the Peter Cushing Dalek films at the cinema recently, recommend Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, find some general news, and […]

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News of the Universes Alf Roland

By Alf Roland
Chief Pan-Universal Correspondent

Plungers at Midnight Flaming Pier

Chaos erupted at the famous Palace Pier in Brighton, England, yesterday when a savage turf war broke out between the Daleks and Metal Mickey.

Dusty Bins
TV has-beens the Daleks are believed to be attempting to stage a comeback in this their fortieth year of being trapped on Earth. For more than two decades they have been eeking out a living as parodies of their former selves on such comedy programmes as Spike Milligan's Q, The Lenny Henry Show and The Five Doctors. In recent years times have been even worse for the fallen conquerors who have been forced to sell out to Kit-Kat and, most recently, act as novelty bubble gum dispensers at Brighton and Skegness seasides.

At a hastily arranged street corner fundraiser event, three months ago, the only indication of their future plans were found in the subtle subtext of their joint chant: "You will obey! Big Issue! Big Issue! BIG ISSUE!!"

Death by Face Cream
A top celebrity shrink told The News of the Universes how the Daleks have failed to get over the surprise death of their leader, Davros, in 1997. Even now details are sketchy but it is widely believed the dermatologically challenged scientist failed to read the instructions on a bottle of Oil of Olay and coated himself in fifty-eight tubs of the skin cream. The inquest found that his alien physiology reacted with the large quantity of cream, sending him into anaphylactic shock. He was found three weeks later by his next door neighbour, having slipped completely down into his mobile commode and drowning in this own filth.

Metal Monkey
Early 80's TV giant Metal Mickey has had a similarly hard time since his show was cancelled almost twenty years ago. Unable to get work, he was convicted in 1994 of impersonating a London postbox in a bid to steal any money or valuables he could find in the letters and packages. The harsh sentence put down by the court was that Mickey must act as the stunt double for Mr. Blobby, a fate that campaigners thought bad enough even without having to work alongside Noel Edmonds. Mickey was quoted as saying "Boogie, boogie, er, Blobby, Blobby, Blobby, my little fruitbat."

After a torrid affair with K-9, whom he once famously referred to as his "robo-bitch", Mickey was admitted to clinic in an attempt to kick his 20-a-day Atomic Thunderbuster habit.

Flaming Pier
Tensions between the Daleks and Metal Mickey have been increasing in the past few months as they both attempted to work the same seaside attraction circuits as amusing items for the tourists to be photographed alongside. Yesterday evening this broke out into open warfare at the end of Palace Pier in Brighton. One eyewitness explained that it began when a tourist with a wide-angle lensed camera asked for a picture of both a Dalek and Metal Mickey at the same time. Further reports suggest that it was the Daleks' agent who caused the problem by refusing to allow the Daleks to share the fee with Mickey.

At least one Dalek is confirmed to have died in the battle and Metal Mickey has not been seen since the ensuing blaze that severely damaged the historic landmark. Police divers are combing the area but say their search is hampered by the large quantity of old supermarket trolleys and Ford Escorts littering the Brighton coastline.