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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #364: Ringstone Round
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 04 Apr 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: The Time Warrior and 1979’s Quatermass series, talk about media we’ve been consuming, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:00 — Welcome! 01:52 – News: 02:03 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #363: K9 Phone Home
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 21 Mar 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Jean Riddler review K9 and Company and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:16 — Welcome! 02:04 – News: 02:16 — Star Trek: Strange New Cast. 04:58 — Doctor Who: Big Finish Main Range […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #362: Whales, Robots and Nuclear Wessels
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 07 Mar 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Big Finish’s The Diary of River Song: Series 8 boxset and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:52 — Welcome! 02:48 – […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #361: Alien Doctors and Giant Robots
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 21 Feb 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: Robot and the first three episodes of Resident Alien, talk about media we’ve been consuming, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:38 — Welcome! 02:15 – […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #360: The Caves of 1984
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 07 Feb 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: The Caves of Androzani and Wonder Woman 1984, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:02 — Welcome! 02:03 – News: 02:10 — Doctor Who: Season 24 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #359: Master Who
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 24 Jan 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Big Finish’s Masterful boxset, discuss Doctor Who’s character The Master, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:07 — Welcome! 02:01 – News: 02:10 — Doctor Who: Stay on […]

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RetroRobot

Mr. Dalek: The Saga Of The Miraculous Mr. Dalek

Translated from the Kaledalekt by RetroRobot - ("RetroRobots Conquer & Enjoy!")


You can also listen to the Narrated The Saga Of The Miraculous Mr. Dalek as an MP3 (2,868 KB).

[Beware: relentless Dalekscansion and evil mutant Rhymingschemes!]

("ahem - mmwohhh-ohhhh!")

In elegance sartorial (and attitude 'conquorial')
magnificent Mr.Dalek's gliding by,
All eagerly aspy with the apple of his eye
(toffeestick wiv wafers inna stack)
And blue bubblegumdrops
in their silver backstops,
Angled panels glinting in the light.

Waves his plunger all about
setting enemies to rout,
For there really is no doubt
that a plunger is a terrifying sight!
With a tinny-tiny sonic attack
as he verbals warbly back
Before exterminating them wot gave him chat.

For his mini-Dalek might
(and we know he maybe could)
means that Mr.Dalek's bite,
For such a mite, is really rather good!
From a Dalek-view at any rate
it's good just to "Exterminate!"
- what else is a little Dalek's zapper for?!

Though he might think once or twice that it maybe isn't nice
When it gets you end up face-down on the floor!
But he just waited (as Daleks can do)
ever so long for his ultimate rescue,
Passing the time in endless review
(and hideously imaginative revenge-reveries)
of Mr.Dalek's long short-list of exterminatees:

First to be dealt with were Wakko & Jakko and Dot
(who'd pushed him off the shelf, down the back,
hoping he'd never be found or come back)
They were especially marked for extermination
- a justified end to their cowardly station.
Overlooking, of course, the real Why It Was Done
being, sneaky or not, they'd nonetheless Won!

Then old ScoobyDoo and feisty young Fred
- long on the list, but very soon dead!
Next Pinky & theBrain who
joined Mr.Dalek to 'Take Over Tha Woild',
But like all who serve Daleks their ambitions wuz foiled!

He saved Velma & Daphne & ShaggyDoll
from being stalked by theCreeper,
but only to eliminate competition - the cheater.
He knocked-off that monster who crept on the shelf
so Mr.Dalek could torment the rest for himself!

He also destroyed theMysteryMachine,
'''There's only one 'machine-of-mystery' on this little scene,
So it just had to go - you see what I mean!'''
shouted tough Mr.Dalek, menacingly
and pointing his zapper; pointedly.

But where would he be (all alone, sadly)
once he'd exterminated all of his friends?
Thank "jinkies" they're like Timelords
and regenerate when killed,
Again and again and agains...

To fulfil their roles as Dalek-fodder
(their inventive demises increasingly odder)
Happy shrieks of pain and terror
mean music to our ears
Except when our Dalek gets smacked on the spheres!

(Ballsy he may be, with plenty of spunk,
this miniscule bully, Mr.Dalek the punk.
But surely he'll feel 26 times the pain
if he gets a kick in the Balls once again!)

But nevertheless his ambition is endless
- undaunted by size, Mr.Dalek's relentless.
From revoking the Santa clause
to roping the Pope,
He'll take on anyone regardless of hope!

So how far I may wonder
and whenever in Rome
I'll remember Mr.dalek
and how he got home!

("The Eaaarrrrgh!!!")*


[* a Dalek knock-knock (or "plung-plung") joke: ]

"Knock-knock"
"Who's there?"
"Dalek!"
"Dalek wh-argh!"(Zap-sizzle)

Mr Dalek's Christmas