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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Commentary #242: Doctor Who – Once, Upon Time
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 16 Jan 2022 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, displaced, in front of 2021 Doctor Who episode ‘Once, Upon Time’, and spout our usual nonsense! Vinder has a problem with his Serpent, Yaz is just playing a videogame and the Doctor’s put her coat on inside out. But enough of their problems, please […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #384: A Dalek Named Eve
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 09 Jan 2022 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review the 2022 Doctor Who story Eve of the Daleks, play a game, come up with our Predictions, Hopes and Dreams, and Fears for 2022, see how wrong we were about our Predictions for 2021, find some general news, and […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #241: Doctor Who – War of the Sontarans
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 02 Jan 2022 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, battled, in front of 2021 Doctor Who episode ‘War of the Sontarans’, and spout our usual nonsense! Mary Seacole is left to take notes, Dan is betting his life on a wok and the Doctor has some potato heads to deal with. But enough […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #383: The Santy Claus Insanity
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sat, 25 Dec 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review the Big Finish Doctor Who audio The One Doctor and the 1964 film Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, play some games, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #240: Doctor Who – The Halloween Apocalypse
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 19 Dec 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, fluxxed, in front of 2021 Doctor Who episode ‘The Halloween Apocalypse’, and spout our usual nonsense! Dan’s got that shrinking feeling, Karvanista has that doggy smell and the Doctor’s now sleeping in the console room? But enough of their problems, please sit down with […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #382: An Awfully Big Adventure
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 12 Dec 2021 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith and the Real Keith Dunn review the new Doctor Who episodes Survivors of the Flux and The Vanquishers, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:22 — Welcome! 02:18 – News: 02:30 — Doctor […]

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RetroRobot

Mr. Dalek: The Saga Of The Miraculous Mr. Dalek

Translated from the Kaledalekt by RetroRobot - ("RetroRobots Conquer & Enjoy!")


You can also listen to the Narrated The Saga Of The Miraculous Mr. Dalek as an MP3 (2,868 KB).

[Beware: relentless Dalekscansion and evil mutant Rhymingschemes!]

("ahem - mmwohhh-ohhhh!")

In elegance sartorial (and attitude 'conquorial')
magnificent Mr.Dalek's gliding by,
All eagerly aspy with the apple of his eye
(toffeestick wiv wafers inna stack)
And blue bubblegumdrops
in their silver backstops,
Angled panels glinting in the light.

Waves his plunger all about
setting enemies to rout,
For there really is no doubt
that a plunger is a terrifying sight!
With a tinny-tiny sonic attack
as he verbals warbly back
Before exterminating them wot gave him chat.

For his mini-Dalek might
(and we know he maybe could)
means that Mr.Dalek's bite,
For such a mite, is really rather good!
From a Dalek-view at any rate
it's good just to "Exterminate!"
- what else is a little Dalek's zapper for?!

Though he might think once or twice that it maybe isn't nice
When it gets you end up face-down on the floor!
But he just waited (as Daleks can do)
ever so long for his ultimate rescue,
Passing the time in endless review
(and hideously imaginative revenge-reveries)
of Mr.Dalek's long short-list of exterminatees:

First to be dealt with were Wakko & Jakko and Dot
(who'd pushed him off the shelf, down the back,
hoping he'd never be found or come back)
They were especially marked for extermination
- a justified end to their cowardly station.
Overlooking, of course, the real Why It Was Done
being, sneaky or not, they'd nonetheless Won!

Then old ScoobyDoo and feisty young Fred
- long on the list, but very soon dead!
Next Pinky & theBrain who
joined Mr.Dalek to 'Take Over Tha Woild',
But like all who serve Daleks their ambitions wuz foiled!

He saved Velma & Daphne & ShaggyDoll
from being stalked by theCreeper,
but only to eliminate competition - the cheater.
He knocked-off that monster who crept on the shelf
so Mr.Dalek could torment the rest for himself!

He also destroyed theMysteryMachine,
'''There's only one 'machine-of-mystery' on this little scene,
So it just had to go - you see what I mean!'''
shouted tough Mr.Dalek, menacingly
and pointing his zapper; pointedly.

But where would he be (all alone, sadly)
once he'd exterminated all of his friends?
Thank "jinkies" they're like Timelords
and regenerate when killed,
Again and again and agains...

To fulfil their roles as Dalek-fodder
(their inventive demises increasingly odder)
Happy shrieks of pain and terror
mean music to our ears
Except when our Dalek gets smacked on the spheres!

(Ballsy he may be, with plenty of spunk,
this miniscule bully, Mr.Dalek the punk.
But surely he'll feel 26 times the pain
if he gets a kick in the Balls once again!)

But nevertheless his ambition is endless
- undaunted by size, Mr.Dalek's relentless.
From revoking the Santa clause
to roping the Pope,
He'll take on anyone regardless of hope!

So how far I may wonder
and whenever in Rome
I'll remember Mr.dalek
and how he got home!

("The Eaaarrrrgh!!!")*


[* a Dalek knock-knock (or "plung-plung") joke: ]

"Knock-knock"
"Who's there?"
"Dalek!"
"Dalek wh-argh!"(Zap-sizzle)

Mr Dalek's Christmas