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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #378: What If… Dizzy Daleks
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 17 Oct 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review Doctor Who: The Evil of the Daleks and Marvel’s first season of What If…?, talk about media we’ve been consuming, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #235: Doctor Who – Can You Hear Me?
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 10 Oct 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, fingered, in front of 2020 Doctor Who episode ‘Can You Hear Me?’, and spout our usual nonsense! Yaz finally has a past, Ryan is letting a friend down and the Doctor has a wet willy. But enough of their problems, please sit down with […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #377: RTD2 of Traken
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 03 Oct 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare discuss the news of Russell T Davies returning as Doctor Who showrunner, review Doctor Who: The Keeper of Traken, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:55 — Welcome! 01:58 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #376: The Regathering
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 19 Sep 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith and the Real Keith Dunn recount their time at the recent Whooverville 12 Doctor Who convention, review the BBC’s Ghosts TV series, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:46 — Welcome! 01:11 – […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #375: Respond to All Starfish
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 05 Sep 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Big Finish’s Doctor Who: The Ninth Doctor Adventures – Respond to All Calls and the 2021 film The Suicide Squad, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:45 — […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #374: Sontaran Milkshake
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 22 Aug 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith and the Real Keith Dunn review the 1975 Doctor Who story The Sontaran Experiment and the 2021 Karen Gillan film Gunpowder Milkshake, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:27 — Welcome! 02:01 – News: 02:13 — […]

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RetroRobot

Mr. Dalek: The Saga Of The Miraculous Mr. Dalek

Translated from the Kaledalekt by RetroRobot - ("RetroRobots Conquer & Enjoy!")


You can also listen to the Narrated The Saga Of The Miraculous Mr. Dalek as an MP3 (2,868 KB).

[Beware: relentless Dalekscansion and evil mutant Rhymingschemes!]

("ahem - mmwohhh-ohhhh!")

In elegance sartorial (and attitude 'conquorial')
magnificent Mr.Dalek's gliding by,
All eagerly aspy with the apple of his eye
(toffeestick wiv wafers inna stack)
And blue bubblegumdrops
in their silver backstops,
Angled panels glinting in the light.

Waves his plunger all about
setting enemies to rout,
For there really is no doubt
that a plunger is a terrifying sight!
With a tinny-tiny sonic attack
as he verbals warbly back
Before exterminating them wot gave him chat.

For his mini-Dalek might
(and we know he maybe could)
means that Mr.Dalek's bite,
For such a mite, is really rather good!
From a Dalek-view at any rate
it's good just to "Exterminate!"
- what else is a little Dalek's zapper for?!

Though he might think once or twice that it maybe isn't nice
When it gets you end up face-down on the floor!
But he just waited (as Daleks can do)
ever so long for his ultimate rescue,
Passing the time in endless review
(and hideously imaginative revenge-reveries)
of Mr.Dalek's long short-list of exterminatees:

First to be dealt with were Wakko & Jakko and Dot
(who'd pushed him off the shelf, down the back,
hoping he'd never be found or come back)
They were especially marked for extermination
- a justified end to their cowardly station.
Overlooking, of course, the real Why It Was Done
being, sneaky or not, they'd nonetheless Won!

Then old ScoobyDoo and feisty young Fred
- long on the list, but very soon dead!
Next Pinky & theBrain who
joined Mr.Dalek to 'Take Over Tha Woild',
But like all who serve Daleks their ambitions wuz foiled!

He saved Velma & Daphne & ShaggyDoll
from being stalked by theCreeper,
but only to eliminate competition - the cheater.
He knocked-off that monster who crept on the shelf
so Mr.Dalek could torment the rest for himself!

He also destroyed theMysteryMachine,
'''There's only one 'machine-of-mystery' on this little scene,
So it just had to go - you see what I mean!'''
shouted tough Mr.Dalek, menacingly
and pointing his zapper; pointedly.

But where would he be (all alone, sadly)
once he'd exterminated all of his friends?
Thank "jinkies" they're like Timelords
and regenerate when killed,
Again and again and agains...

To fulfil their roles as Dalek-fodder
(their inventive demises increasingly odder)
Happy shrieks of pain and terror
mean music to our ears
Except when our Dalek gets smacked on the spheres!

(Ballsy he may be, with plenty of spunk,
this miniscule bully, Mr.Dalek the punk.
But surely he'll feel 26 times the pain
if he gets a kick in the Balls once again!)

But nevertheless his ambition is endless
- undaunted by size, Mr.Dalek's relentless.
From revoking the Santa clause
to roping the Pope,
He'll take on anyone regardless of hope!

So how far I may wonder
and whenever in Rome
I'll remember Mr.dalek
and how he got home!

("The Eaaarrrrgh!!!")*


[* a Dalek knock-knock (or "plung-plung") joke: ]

"Knock-knock"
"Who's there?"
"Dalek!"
"Dalek wh-argh!"(Zap-sizzle)

Mr Dalek's Christmas