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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #378: What If… Dizzy Daleks
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 17 Oct 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review Doctor Who: The Evil of the Daleks and Marvel’s first season of What If…?, talk about media we’ve been consuming, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #235: Doctor Who – Can You Hear Me?
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 10 Oct 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, fingered, in front of 2020 Doctor Who episode ‘Can You Hear Me?’, and spout our usual nonsense! Yaz finally has a past, Ryan is letting a friend down and the Doctor has a wet willy. But enough of their problems, please sit down with […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #377: RTD2 of Traken
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 03 Oct 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare discuss the news of Russell T Davies returning as Doctor Who showrunner, review Doctor Who: The Keeper of Traken, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:55 — Welcome! 01:58 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #376: The Regathering
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 19 Sep 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith and the Real Keith Dunn recount their time at the recent Whooverville 12 Doctor Who convention, review the BBC’s Ghosts TV series, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:46 — Welcome! 01:11 – […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #375: Respond to All Starfish
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 05 Sep 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Big Finish’s Doctor Who: The Ninth Doctor Adventures – Respond to All Calls and the 2021 film The Suicide Squad, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:45 — […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #374: Sontaran Milkshake
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 22 Aug 2021 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith and the Real Keith Dunn review the 1975 Doctor Who story The Sontaran Experiment and the 2021 Karen Gillan film Gunpowder Milkshake, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:27 — Welcome! 02:01 – News: 02:13 — […]

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The Secret Log of Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Translated and transcribed from the original coded French by Tim Munro


Originally appearing the the fanzine Star Begotten, in October 1989, and then migrating to Private Lives, as run by our very own Tony Gallichan. We hope to locate the second episode and will put it here as soon as we can. A big thank you to Tim Munro and Nick Cooper of Star Begotten who have given us permission to reprint these masterpieces.

One cold, wet winters evening an Episode found its way to Page's Bar in London. A few people liked it (it was always the most popular part of Private Lives) but at least one lady there was outraged that we could take the pee out of her beloved Riker... so, there we have it, proof that there are sorrier specimens out there than us!

We hope you enjoy this, it makes us laugh every time.

Episode 1: Stardate 41799.7
For too long, the world has been deceived. Through the series Star Trek - The Next Generation, we have all been led to believe that life in the 24th Century will be one long round of adventure in a disciplined and civilized Universe. However, we at Star Begotten are now in possession of documents which shoot to pieces the cosy image of life aboard the USS Enterprise. These documents, transported from the 24th Century via the now fabled SB office time warp, cast new light on the crew's relationships and day-to-day life...
Episode 2: Stardate 42000.1
Of all the mysteries which have troubled the scholars of the history of the United Federation of Planets Starship 'Enterprise', none has proved more mystifying than the disappearance for a whole year of Chief Medical Officer Beverly Crusher. Until now, the exact reasons for her absence have been unknown. However, newly discovered documents, which recently fell though a timewarp from the 24th century, throw staggering new light on the whole affair, and suggest that our entire picture of 24th century life may have to be reassessed...
Episode 3: Stardate 42000.2
The United Federation of Planets is at war with the Purple Scrotheads of Anaconda V. Doctor Beverly Crusher has eloped with Romeo Shaggem, the head of Starfleet Medical. The U.S.S. Enterprise is thus without a Chief Medical Officer...
Episode 4: Stardate 42072.8
Doctor Beverly Crusher has eloped with Romeo Shaggem, the head of Starfleet Medical. A new CMO has been assigned to the Enterprise.
Episode 5: Stardate 42186.2
Doctor Beverley Crusher has eloped with Romeo Shaggem, the head of Starfleet Medical. Relations between her replacement, Doctor Katherine Pulaski, and Captain Picard have reached rock bottom. In fact, he has decided to kill her.
Episode 6: Stardate 42286.2
Doctor Beverly Crusher has eloped with the Head of Starfleet Medical, Doctor Romeo Shaggem. Her replacement, Doctor Kate Pulaski, is so appalling that Captain Picard has been forced to resort to desperate measures...