Recent Blog Entries

Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #293: Copping the High Frontier
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 15 Jul 2018 09:47

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, and the Real Keith Dunn discuss a Big Finish’s Doctor Who: The Evil One and the 1987 BBC TV Series Star Cops, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:16 — Welcome! 02:20 – News: 02:24 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #292: Lost in Netflix
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 01 Jul 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, and the Real Keith Dunn discuss a Big Finish’s Doctor Who: Energy of the Daleks and Netflix’s Lost in Space Season 1, talk about media we’ve been consuming, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:21 — […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #291: Goodbye, our Victorian Friends
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 17 Jun 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn discuss a swan song in Jago and Litefoot Forever and Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:39 — Welcome! 03:12 – News: 03:15 — Doctor Who: Big […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #290: The Meddling Nerf Herder
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 03 Jun 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn discuss Doctor Who: The Time Meddler and Solo: A Star Wars Story, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:05 — Welcome! 02:08 – News: 02:23 — Doctor Who: Classic series coming […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #289: Ready Podcast 289
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 20 May 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn discuss Doctor Who: The Ultimate Foe and Ready Player One, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:27 — Welcome! 03:00 – News: 03:14 — Doctor Who: Eric Roberts to […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #288: When Heroes Assemble
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 06 May 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare discuss Doctor Who: The Three Doctors and Avengers: Infinity War, recall our time at The Capitol 3 Doctor Who convention, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:23 — Welcome! […]

Website works best with

Firefox Download Button

Google Chrome

Valid XHTML 1.0 Strict

The Triangle: Eternity War Logo

The Triangle: The Buccaneer Mission 1: Into the Unknown!

As recorded by Tony Gallichan


 

Through that mysterious vortex where space and time are one, spun a nineteen nineties police box that wasn't a police box. The beautiful butterfly patterns of the vortex reflected off the black globe on top of the box.

Then suddenly there wasn't a police box. With hardly any pause in between the box shimmered and became a plain white sphere.

Inside the sphere was an impossibly large control room. The walls were patterned with roundels and from each corner sprung arches that met and supported the glowing hexagonal light source that was far more than just a light source. This was suspended over a hexagonal control console, the central cylindrical column of which was oscillating, the lights inside glowing and blurring together. Dotted around the room in various positions of relaxation were four cats. Standing next to a rocky outcrop that emerged from one of the walls, complete with ferns and waterfall were two figures. Actually, only one of the figures was standing. The other was a shiny metal head with metal glasses and a metal beard that floated at head height. This was Cre'at who was a Sot'm. The other figure was tall, slightly overweight with long blond hair tied into a pony tail. He wore the loose, comfortable clothing favoured by the dashing mariners of 18th century Earth. This was Lord Macfadyanagogobibblebibblelungbarrowmass, also known as the Buccaneer.

From a doorway which lead to the interior of the ship came tuneless, female singing.

"You know, C'reat, I think that it might be an idea to alter the DNA of the next batch of Blanche clones so that they can sing in tune. Just think. We could pop over to Wales and break all records for close harmony singing. Anything's got to be better than this."

* AGREED * the bland metallic voice floated across the console room.

"Oh well, until then we shall just have to use ear plugs. I'll just go and get some, keep an eye on the console will you? " And with that, the Buccaneer strode forcefully out into the depths of his ship.

C'reat floated over to the console, scanners attuned to the TARDIS instruments.

 

The Buccaneer sat in a shady corner of the ship's cloisters. For some bizarre reason they were configured to look just like the cloisters of Salisbury Cathedral, trees and open sky included. He was dozing. He dreamed: He was walking across a barren plain. Above him the stars flared and died. In the distance he saw a row of figures. As he approached he saw that they were all male, all looked similar except for their clothing. All looked a lot like him except for a few differences. Hair colour, weight , height differed but facilely they were the same.

One was dressed in black leather with ribbed gold shoulder pads one of which was carved in the shape of an eagle. A chain from the suits zip fastener connected with a shiny gold eagle topped badge that was attached to the figures left breast, the legend Macfadyan engraved on it. A red edged black helmet was atop his head.

Another was dressed in a black, cloth jump-suit with ribbed grey shoulders. Four gold pips were fixed to the collar of the red undershirt. A delta shaped badge was attached to his chest.

Another wore black robes, a metallic cylinder was attached to the robes belt.

Yet another wore twentieth century Earth style combat fatigues. All walked towards him and merged into him. Above him, in the maelstrom that was the sky, one planet exploded then reformed over and over again.

"What's happening?" he screamed at the sky.

* EMERGENCY. EMERGENCY. ALL CREW TO THE CONSOLE ROOM *, came the reply then he fell off his chair.

 

He nearly knocked Blanche flying as he skiddered into the console room.

"'Ere, watch where you're goin'" said the teenage, waif-like girl.

"Shush child, I'm busy." He replied, curtly.

"Hrrmph! Someone needs to learn some manners " and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"What happened, Cre'at?" asked the Buccaneer, his hands gently gliding over the controls.

*ALL SYSTEMS WENT OFF LINE FOR FIVE POINT TWO SECONDS. DIMENSIONAL INSTABILITY DETECTED * , said the metal head.

"Yes," sighed the Buccaneer. "I'm afraid you're right. Let's have a look." He activated the holo viewer and one wall of the console room faded into a starfield.

"Oooh, that's pretty" said Blanche.

"Hmm. I wonder..." mused the Buccaneer.

"What?" said Blanche. "Spill the beans."

"What do you know about the beans?" demanded the Buccaneer looking suddenly furtive.

"Explain what's goin' on. We've a right to know. You're always keeping things to yourself, ain't that right, Mr. Balloon?"

Cre'at floated forward, * CRE'AT * it corrected. * THAT IS ACCURATE. FIRSTLY ON BEYUS. SECONDLY ON ARMENDIOUS THREE. THIRDLY ON... *

"Yes, yes, yes, all right, all right." the Buccaneer hit a control on the console. On the viewer several stars were highlighted as well as several dark portions of the image. He dug in his pocket and retrieved his extendible pointy stick that he always used when he felt that his companions needed help to comprehend his explanations. It never occurred to him to simplify his convoluted ideas, thus the stick.

"These highlighted points," he gestured with the stick," Are where stars should be. These points here are where stars shouldn't be. And here, some kind of energy barrier that seems to envelope the whole of the Mutter's Spiral which, incidentally is where I think we are. Give me a moment and I should be able to fix a spatial position."

* EXPLAIN FURTHER *

"Well, I think that we have passed through some kind of dimensional rift, similar to a Charged Vacuum Embodiment that would normally lead into Exo-Space... No, no, no, too big."

Blanche looked blankly at him.

"Eh?"

"We've passed through a rift between the here and the here, rather like Interstitial space. Between the Now and the Now, if you like."

"Eerr??"

* A MAGIC DOOR IN SPACE, BLANCHE. * said C'reat.

"Oh! Why didn't you say so?"

"Why should I?" The Buccaneer began pacing around the room, muttering to himself, "Wretched little idiot... Why I surround myself with terminally stupid companions, I'll never know." his voice tailed off.

* DO YOU REQUIRE A VEGETABLE PRODUCT? *

"What? !" said the Buccaneer.

* YOU APPEAR AGITATED. DO YOU REQUIRE A VEGETABLE PRODUCT * the Sot'm offered the Time Lord a crumpled paper bag. Looking inside it the Buccaneer saw several mouldy jelly babies.

"Er, no thanks. I'll stick with the chocolate buttons. "He strolled over to the console and pulled the master power switch. The time rotor began to rise and fall.

"Where are we going, then?" asked Blanche, sullenly.

"We are going to land so that I can find out just where spatially and temporally we are."

 

Dark, swollen clouds hung over the Freeloader colony. Rain fell from them in a deluge pushing the drainage system to it's limit. In the cramped streets figures huddled in doorways or scurried from place to place, eager to be out of the rain and in the dry where their nefarious deals could be set up , run or concluded - often by the blast of a gun. This was a dangerous place. Smugglers vied with pirates and outlaws and all were overseen by the Orion Syndicate.

Into all this the TARDIS materialised, unseen by all except one person.

"Bleedin' 'eck. This fing's broken, it has to be." exclaimed Blanche as she gazed back at the TARDIS. She glared at the Buccaneer and had to stifle a giggle. He was stood stock still, his hands pulling his hat down over his eyes. A low moan escaped his lips.

* THIS BLENDS IN? *

"You can talk." replied the Buccaneer. The rain was hammering of the polished metal gun tube that surmounted it's head. The noise was deafening. For some reason, known only to the Sot'm , a cardboard cut out of a human body was attached to the base of the floating head.

"All right, all right. I'll work on the chameleon circuit. C'mon. Let's find some kind of communal area. Preferably inside." and he strolled off down the narrow street.

Once they had gone a dark figure emerged from the shadows where it had watched their arrival and approached the TARDIS that now looked like a giant anatomically correct statue of Lady Godiva atop her horse. The figure pulled out a Tricorder from the folds of it's cloak and scanned the ship. The results must have been interesting as the figure grunted with both frustration and astonishment. Then, pocketing the Tricorder he scurried after the others.

 

With what he considered to be considerable charm, the Buccaneer talked the barman into serving them. The tavern was dark, smoke filled to the extent that it could well be illegal to breathe and populated by people that would cut your nose off for a price or your whole head off in their spare time just to keep in practice.

C'reat and Blanche were secreted in one of the tavern's many gloomy corners while the Buccaneer waited at the bar, his ears keenly seeking out any clues that they could pick out from the surrounding conversations. The drinks were served and he took them back to the small table.

"Well, any luck yet or are we still lost," said Blanche before sipping at the barman's best guess at lemonade.

"We appear to be on a colony world called Freeloader, in something called the Triangle. This place is a hive for scum and villainy, criminals, drug runners and pirates, so we had best be careful. Apparently there is a communications/ computer centre not that far away. We shall go there and I will use my consummate skills in computing to determine our exact position and to get all the relevant star maps of the area. You, child," he pointed at Blanche, "will remain silent and let me do all the talking and you, C'reat will refrain from offering any vegetable products. Is that quite clear?". He stroked his blond beard and tried to cultivate the smug air of self importance that he knew really got up Blanche's nose.

"As Time Lord, only I, out of us three have the natural charm and intelligence, not to say the air of dignity that comes with the position of one such as I."

"Yeah, and that position's normally either a desperate one or bent over with your head stuck right up your big, fat behind, mister. Where's the little girls room?" and she stormed off.

"You see, C'reat, I have naturally superior intelligence. Eliza there is now so annoyed with me that she will disobey my instructions and go off to find out all she can just to prove me wrong.."

The Buccaneer sat back and looked exceedingly smug.

 

Blanche found the ladies' toilet without too much trouble. She pushed open the door and went in. Two seconds later she staggered out, her hand clasped firmly to her mouth. She realised that the only way she wasn't going to vomit she would have to find a drink. She started towards the table she had just left but caught herself. No! She was still too furious with that arrogant git of a Time Lord. She'd shown him who the intelligent one was. Just because he had found her struggling to survive in the east end of Victorian London he assumed that she was stupid. Hah! Looking around the dingy tavern she spotted a shaven headed couple in one of the many darkened corners who were far too engrossed with each other to be paying much attention to the drinks on their table.

Blanche had been a dab hand at pickpocketing back on Earth a talent she had made sure she hadn't lost - much to the annoyance of the Buccaneer. She sidled up to the table keeping herself to the shadows as much as possible, which was quite easy in the gloomy light. Just as she was reaching for the nearest glass, a hand slammed her own down on the table.

"What do you think your doing, girly?" asked a gruff voice.

"' Ere, wot d'ya fink your doin', gerroff mister!" she shouted.

A second hand clamped around her mouth and she felt a pressure on her arm and heard a hiss. Just before she passed out she heard someone say,

"Yes, she'll do. Bring her."

The rest was blackness.....

 

The Buccaneer stood up and put his glass of blue ale into his coat pocket.

"OK, old son," he said to C'reat, "Time to check out that computer centre." He moved to the door. Outside C'reat stopped the Buccaneer.

*AND THE FEMALE. HOW WILL WE MEET UP WITH HER?* The Buccaneer affected a superior look and delved into his pocket and produced a small black box with a small switch and an indicator light.

"Here we are. A tracking device keyed to the modified DNA strands used in the cloning process."

He pressed the button and the little light began to flash. "That's not all it does, look. " He pressed the button again and a plain electronic note sounded.

"See? It even goes 'Beep'". He switched it off and slipped it back into one of his pockets.

"Now come on. We have work to do."

 

The next thing that Blanche knew she was opening her eyes only to be half blinded by the fierce light that was suspended above her. Above her? She looked down to see that she was strapped to a slanting bed in a small dingy room.

"Wurrr. Wher whah ... What's goin' on, where am ?" A figure moved into her vision.

"Hush, child. You're a very lucky girl. You have the honour of becoming the very first of our modified slave girls".

"Piss off. I ain't doin' nuffink for no one."

The figure showed her a slim, metal cylinder.

"This is a hypo spray. It is filled with some very special nanites. They have been modified to suit our purpose and you are going to be the first person we try them on." The figure pressed the hypo spray to her arm. It hissed.

"Congratulations."

Blanche flinched involuntarily. She felt strange. Then she stopped noticing how strange she felt. It no longer concerned her. It wasn't relevant.

"Now you are a slave of the Orion Syndicate. You will make us much Latinum. These modified Borg nanites actually work. Hey, what d'you think you're doing..?"

"Slavery is irrelevant." Blanche said, though she didn't know why.

"Oh no! Oh SHeeeeiiiiiTTTT!!!!" screamed the slaver, realising that the modifications just were not working.

Her right arm flailed out on it's own accord even though she was sure that a part of her had actually willed it. Her arm broke the straps holding her down without effort and flashed out to grab the slaver by the throat. She stood up, still keeping hold of the slaver. Dully she felt her left hand flinch and something broke the skin.

"What are you doing, you bitch. Your mine, do you hear me, mine!"

Her left hand now moved towards his neck. She noticed how pale the skin was and then she saw two silver tubes break the skin. The man's screams were cut off as Blanche plunged the tubes into his neck.

"We are now Borg."

 

Cre'at had long ago decided that it's least favourite kind of weather was rain. The noise as water blattered off its' casing was worse than ever.

"No point in trying to creep around, then." said the Buccaneer.

*PLEASE REPEAT. AUDIO CIRCUITS ATTEMPTING TO FILTER OUT EXTRANEOUS NOISE*

"Oh forget it!" he said and waved his hands in a "What's the use" gesture. Then he beckoned his companion to follow. Cre'at did, the soggy remains of a cardboard cut out figure still tied to his base.

They almost made it.

As they rounded the final corner to the com centre a figure detached itself from the shadow of a doorway, disrupter in hand.

"That's far enough." the figure gestured with the disrupter, "We shall have some answers from you. Who are you? What do you want? What is that structure that defies analysis?".

"Gosh. Your'e very fond of short words beginning with 'w's and ending with question marks. Now I like an enquiring mind. I always find that it pays to question practically everything.". the Buccaneer stop short as a thought suddenly struck him.

"Er..We?..."

Two other figures appeared from behind the captives.

"Ah. Right. I see. Well I really must compliment you on your tracking skills. I didn't notice you at all. Very impressive. Yes, very. I'm normally impossible to fool."

"Enough. Are you working for the syndicate?"

The Buccaneer glanced around and saw that apart from the five of them the streets were deserted. There was no one to help. Oh well...

"Look, I'd like to answer you questions but just who are YOU? Come on, quid pro quo and all that."

The cowled figure pushed back his hood to reveal a ridged forehead and the face of a proud warrior.

"We are agents of the honourable Klingon defence force."

The Buccaneer groaned and rubbed his forehead.

"Ah Nutbunnies! Oh well, at least I now know where we are. Look, we are just travellers all right? All I want to do is find out the spatial location of this place, Ok? Then we'll be gone like a summer dream."

"These days things are not that simple. Unexplained happenings have to be investigated."

"'Unexplained happenings'?" asked the Buccaneer.

"You do not need to know, I think we should leave. Move ahead of me."

The Klingon gestured with his disrupter. Cre'at floated forward.

* WOULD YOU LIKE A VEGETABLE PRODUCT? *

"Move, tin one!", snarled one of the Klingons.

They moved the two others followed behind.

As they walked the Buccaneer started to hum smugly to himself. If these three were the intelligent agents they said they were, they were a bit slipshod. They hadn't even searched them for weapons. As it was he and Cre'at would have to make there move soon before the Klingons remembered this basic thing.

However, the move the Buccaneer was going to make was made for him. As the group approached the communication centre entrance, six figures turned a corner ahead of them and began walking steadily towards them. As the figures moved into the light the first Klingon hissed" Borg!" and aimed his disrupter at the smallest and nearest figure who on seeing this movement strangely didn't react.

"No, wait." The Buccaneer pushed the Klingon's arm down.

"I'm sure that's Blanche! But it can't be..."

"They are Borg", the Klingon pushed the Buccaneer away, resumed his aim and fired. The bold of green energy hit the Borg in the middle of the group and it went down. In response three of the Borg turned towards them, the other two including the Borg that had been Blanche, went into the com centre. Screams started to come from within.

The other Klingons started to fire at the Borg but their disrupter bolts didn't reach their targets. Around the Borg shields appeared, absorbed the bolts and then vanished.

"They have adapted - knives!" the lead Klingon ordered. He drew a large serrated knife and two jagged blades sprung out of the edges of the first blade. The two other Klingons did likewise and all three hurled themselves at the Borg.

"Quick! Now's our chance, Cre'at. C'mon move it!" shouted the Buccaneer.

* CRE'AT NOT 'IT'! *

That caught the Buccaneer off guard and stumbled to a halt, looked back and said "What?! What are you going on about?"

* CRE'AT SOT'M NOT 'IT' *

"Werrrr, werrr, what, oh forget it. Come on.", he and Cre'at moved to the com centre.

Before they could enter, a blast door slammed down.

"Bugger." The Buccaneer reached a hand towards the blast door and snatched it back quickly as it encountered a shimmering blue forcefield.

"Ah, nutbunnies! Oh well, what's going on with the pastie heads behind us, then?"

He spun around just in time to see a Borg methodically club one of the Klingons down. One other Klingon appeared already dead but the third, their leader, was giving it all he had. He was obvious in some kind of a blood lust. He managed to practically disembowel the Borg he was fighting and it collapsed. He turned to the another but the Borg caught the knife and efficiently snapped the baakonite blade. The Borg's other arm which ended in some form of mechanical prosthesis clubbed the Klingon down.

The Buccaneer sighed then reached into one of his inside coat pockets and retrieved his modified Dalek gun. Adjusting it to fire a single beam, he hit the activator. The gun roared An intense white/blue beam lanced out from the gun and impacted with the Borg who then faded into a negative then collapsed.

He was about to fire at the last Borg when a purple haze enfolded it and it vanished.

"What?! No! No, no, no, you're not getting away with attacking me, the Buccaneer! I will not be insulted like this." he shook his fist at the sky." Come back and fight, you lily livered cowards!"

* THIS ORGANIC LIFEFORM IS BROKEN. IT IS ABOUT TO EXPIRE * called Cre'at from above the Klingon leader.

The Buccaneer knelt down next to the Klingon who raised a bloody hand to grasp the Buccaneer's lapel causing the Time Lord to grimace with distaste. Through bloody spittle the klingon croaked,

"I.K.V Hegh qad... Tell them..."

Then he died.

The Buccaneer quickly searched the agent and pocketed something.

 

Ten minutes work with his sonic screwdriver enabled the Buccaneer to disable the forcefield and raise the blast door. Inside they found a couple of bodies but no one else, living or dead. A quick scan of the main computer told them why.

"They've all been taken, including Blanche." the Buccaneer informed Cre'at, "Before they went, however, they sent a transmission", he waived a small device around, "I have it all here, however it appears to be encrypted. I have the direction the transmission was aimed in, now all we need is to get back to the ship and, er, see them sooner."

 

And so they did. The Buccaneer took the TARDIS back in time by one hour and caused his ship to hover over planet. As they watched, events unfolded as before, except this time they saw the rest of the story. One minuet before the Borg vanished, the transmission was sent and a ship decloaked. It was small and red and had four fins, one at the top, one at the bottom and one on either side. It made one orbit then , turning onto a new heading it cloaked. Just as they were going to trace it's path, another ship shimmered into existence. This one could only really be seen by the stars it blotted out. It was BLACK. Looking closer they saw it had a spider-like shape and it's surface, what they could make out of it was almost organic in texture.

It moved over the planet and then angled itself to face down towards the colony. Suddenly the strange ship fired a very powerful weapon, the light beam pulsing down and hitting the planet. Once, twice, three time it fired, then turned away, shimmered and vanished.

The Buccaneer focused the holo-viewer to show a closer image of Freeloader. It was gone, destroyed in a fireball of immense proportions.

Grimly, the Buccaneer turned to Cre'at and said quietly,

"We have just witnessed the extermination of several thousand people. I want to know why. We're also going to need help in getting Blanch back. What was the name that Klingon said?"

* THE IKV GUTTERAL NOISE INVOLVING A LARGE PROPORTION OF PHLEGM *

"Yeah, that's the one. I retrieved various things from that agent including a com unit. We'll get in touch with his masters and offer our help..."