Recent Blog Entries

Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #338: The Chronic Hysteresis Edition
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 05 Apr 2020 08:00

Summary: Apologies for the poor audio quality in this first lockdown episode. Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review the animated release of Doctor Who: The Faceless ones and discuss the first season of Star Trek: Picard, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #234: Doctor Who – Praxeus
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 29 Mar 2020 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Keith Dunn and Steven Clare sit down, plasticed, in front of 2020 Doctor Who episode ‘Praxeus’, and spout our usual nonsense! Yaz is teleporting before thinking, Ryan gets a pat down, Sam Bishop is undercover as Jake and the Doctor has split up. But enough of their problems, please […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #337: Making a Horse Sick
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 22 Mar 2020 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare look back at Doctor Who: Series 12 (2020), talk about their time at the Doctor Who: The Talons of Weng Chiang event at the BFI Southbank, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #233: Doctor Who – Fugitive of the Judoon
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 15 Mar 2020 19:05

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Keith Dunn and Steven Clare sit down, buried, in front of 2020 Doctor Who episode ‘Fugitive of the Judoon’, and spout our usual nonsense! Ruth is failing to talk about the past, the fam are conveniently scooped out of the main plot and the Doctor’s mind is blown. But […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #336: The Timeless Podcasters
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 08 Mar 2020 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review Doctor Who: Ascension of the Cybermen and The Timeless Children, talk about their time at Gallifrey One, get out of a Doctor Who Escape Room, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #232: Doctor Who – Nikola Telsa’s Night of Terror
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 01 Mar 2020 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell and Keith Dunn sit down, shocked, in front of 2020 Doctor Who episode ‘Nikola Telsa’s Night of Terror’, and spout our usual nonsense! Tesla is besieged by aliens, the Skithra make the Racnoss look convincing and the Doctor has met a like-mind. But enough of their problems, please sit down with […]

Recent Forum Entries

Activity in the Staggering Stories Forum:


Star Trek

Star Trek: Captain Sisko and the Great DS9 Vampire Vole Hunt

Written by Karen Dunn


The bravest heroes in the land are Captain Sisko and his band
That's Major Kira and her vole, Worf and Dax - her slug and all
They sit by the wormhole singing songs,
That tell how they have righted wrongs.

Once Vampire Vole, a giant rat kept the station folk aback
In fear and trembling every night
In case he gave some-one a bite

Said Jadzia Dax, "we'll lie in wait
And one of us will be the bait."
Said Captain Sisko, "Have no fear for I alone will volunteer!"

"No, make it me" said Major K, "I haven't done a lot today.
If Vampire Vole should want me bled
I'll aim a phaser at his head!"

"A good idea" said Miles O'Brien, "We hide together, we'll be fine.
And when you've overcome resistance,
We'll rush along to your assistance!"

Said Macho Worf, "I have a plan. I'll fetch my Bat'leth when I can
I'll skewer the vole upon its tip
And hurl it through the window quick."

Said Dax, "But with the windows broken
The Air will go - we'll all be chokin'"
Macho Worf just scratched his head
"I hadn't thought of that" he said.

Said Dax, "The rest of us hold back. There's only one that he'll attack."
Said Miles O'Brien, "I like your plan!"
"Good luck" said Dax, "For you're the man!"

So Chief O'Brien, his brow a-sweating
Onto the Promenade went fretting.
Captain Sisko waved his hand, followed by his trusty band
That's Major Kira and her vole, Worf and Dax - her slug and all.

"Stop!" said Sisko, "I hear squeaking."
"It's Kira's vole, " said Worf, "He's speaking."
"It's all in Vole" said Jadzia Dax, "How do we decipher that?"

Said Major K, "I understand. My vole is Odo - ain't he grand?
He's saying that his eyes are fine
And Vampire Vole has caught O'Brien!"

"Quick men!" said Sisko, "no delay
We mustn't let him get away!"
And leaping off said, "Follow me!"
And fell headfirst down lift shaft 3.

Oh how they ran to save O'Brien
For they couldn't stomach Keiko crying
Led along by Kira's vole
As he squeaked directions through the hull

Then Vampire Vole's lair they spied
Were they too late, was he inside?
Said Major K, "I'll get a pole
And stop him going down his hole!"

Then into sight the vole came jogging
Right past his hole, no sign of stopping.
Said Jadzia Dax, "That's rather funny,
There's something swearing in his tummy."

Said Captain Sisko, "You're not lying
Vampire Vole has ate O'Brien!"
And as the rat swore out of sight
Off they chased into the night.

At last they found him, tired and dizzy
And pulled out Miles who said, "Where is he?
For left alone I wasn't brave
And crawled into a warm, damp cave."

Said Worf, "I have to tell you that
You crawled into that Vampire rat."
"That was brave of Miles" said Kira
And backed away as he stepped nearer

The bravest heroes in the land are Captain Sisko and his band
That's Major Kira and her vole, Worf and Dax - her slug and all.
They sit by the wormhole singing songs
That tell how they have righted wrongs.

 

(With sincere apologies and eternal thanks to Captain Beaky. Please don't sue me!!)