Recent Blog Entries

Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Commentary #215: Doctor Who – Twice Upon a Time
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 15 Apr 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, regenerating, in front of the 2017 Doctor Who Christmas special, ‘Twice Upon a Time’, and spout our usual nonsense! The Doctor is trying to hold back his explosive energies, another Doctor is also trying to hold it back and pretty much everyone else is […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #286: Encounters with Brian
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 08 Apr 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn discuss Big Finish’s UNIT: Encounters boxset and Monty Python’s Life of Brian, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:27 — Welcome! 02:21 – News: 02:41 — Doctor Who: Lady […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #214: Babylon 5 – Objects at Rest
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 01 Apr 2018 09:16

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, preparing, in front of the penultimate Babylon 5 episode ‘Objects at Rest’, and spout our usual nonsense! Lennier turns his back on Sheridan, Mollari offers his final gift and Garibaldi assembles a group of troublemakers. But enough of their problems, please sit down with […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #285: A Lady, a Panther and Eldrad…
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 25 Mar 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith and the Real Keith Dunn discuss Big Finish’s Doctor Who audio plays Eldrad Must Die! and The Lady of Mercia, review the Marvel film Black Panther, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:31 […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #213: Doctor Who – The Doctor Falls
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 18 Mar 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, sieged, in front of the 2017 Doctor Who S10 finale, ‘The Doctor Falls’, and spout our usual nonsense! The Doctor needs to carried, Bill has a body image issue and Nardole thinks he’s in the A-Team. But enough of their problems, please sit down […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #284: Staggerers Assembled
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 11 Mar 2018 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, a miming Real Keith Dunn and Scott Fuller discuss Big Finish’s UNIT: Assembled boxset and Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, Season 2, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 02:03 — Welcome! 03:08 – News: […]

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Star Trek

Star Trek: Captain Sisko and the Great DS9 Vampire Vole Hunt

Written by Karen Dunn


The bravest heroes in the land are Captain Sisko and his band
That's Major Kira and her vole, Worf and Dax - her slug and all
They sit by the wormhole singing songs,
That tell how they have righted wrongs.

Once Vampire Vole, a giant rat kept the station folk aback
In fear and trembling every night
In case he gave some-one a bite

Said Jadzia Dax, "we'll lie in wait
And one of us will be the bait."
Said Captain Sisko, "Have no fear for I alone will volunteer!"

"No, make it me" said Major K, "I haven't done a lot today.
If Vampire Vole should want me bled
I'll aim a phaser at his head!"

"A good idea" said Miles O'Brien, "We hide together, we'll be fine.
And when you've overcome resistance,
We'll rush along to your assistance!"

Said Macho Worf, "I have a plan. I'll fetch my Bat'leth when I can
I'll skewer the vole upon its tip
And hurl it through the window quick."

Said Dax, "But with the windows broken
The Air will go - we'll all be chokin'"
Macho Worf just scratched his head
"I hadn't thought of that" he said.

Said Dax, "The rest of us hold back. There's only one that he'll attack."
Said Miles O'Brien, "I like your plan!"
"Good luck" said Dax, "For you're the man!"

So Chief O'Brien, his brow a-sweating
Onto the Promenade went fretting.
Captain Sisko waved his hand, followed by his trusty band
That's Major Kira and her vole, Worf and Dax - her slug and all.

"Stop!" said Sisko, "I hear squeaking."
"It's Kira's vole, " said Worf, "He's speaking."
"It's all in Vole" said Jadzia Dax, "How do we decipher that?"

Said Major K, "I understand. My vole is Odo - ain't he grand?
He's saying that his eyes are fine
And Vampire Vole has caught O'Brien!"

"Quick men!" said Sisko, "no delay
We mustn't let him get away!"
And leaping off said, "Follow me!"
And fell headfirst down lift shaft 3.

Oh how they ran to save O'Brien
For they couldn't stomach Keiko crying
Led along by Kira's vole
As he squeaked directions through the hull

Then Vampire Vole's lair they spied
Were they too late, was he inside?
Said Major K, "I'll get a pole
And stop him going down his hole!"

Then into sight the vole came jogging
Right past his hole, no sign of stopping.
Said Jadzia Dax, "That's rather funny,
There's something swearing in his tummy."

Said Captain Sisko, "You're not lying
Vampire Vole has ate O'Brien!"
And as the rat swore out of sight
Off they chased into the night.

At last they found him, tired and dizzy
And pulled out Miles who said, "Where is he?
For left alone I wasn't brave
And crawled into a warm, damp cave."

Said Worf, "I have to tell you that
You crawled into that Vampire rat."
"That was brave of Miles" said Kira
And backed away as he stepped nearer

The bravest heroes in the land are Captain Sisko and his band
That's Major Kira and her vole, Worf and Dax - her slug and all.
They sit by the wormhole singing songs
That tell how they have righted wrongs.

 

(With sincere apologies and eternal thanks to Captain Beaky. Please don't sue me!!)