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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #354: Battle Beyond the Creature from the Pits
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 15 Nov 2020 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: Creature from the Pit and the 1980 film Battle Beyond the Stars, discuss a couple of recent episodes of The Mandalorian, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #353: Holmesian Horror
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 01 Nov 2020 08:43

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: All-Consuming Fire and the 2020 film Enola Holmes, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:08 — Welcome! 01:39 – News: 01:49 — Doctor […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #352: Animated Ensigns
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 18 Oct 2020 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: Pest Control and the first season of Star Trek: Lower Decks, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:56 — Welcome! 01:49 – News: 01:58 — […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #351: Fury of the Fantasy Films
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 04 Oct 2020 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Jean Riddler and Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: Fury from the Deep and the 1982 film The Sword and the Sorcerer, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:20 — Welcome! 02:33 – News: 02:46 — Doctor Who: New York Comic […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #350: Masters of Beasts
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 20 Sep 2020 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: The Curse of Peladon and the 1982 film The Beastmaster, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:22 — Welcome! 02:16 – News: 02:29 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #349: When Machines Get Murderous
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 06 Sep 2020 08:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: The War Machines and the 1973 film Westworld, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:24 — Welcome! 02:21 – News: 02:33 — Doctor Who: Troughton double […]

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Star Trek

Star Trek: Captain Sisko and the Great DS9 Vampire Vole Hunt

Written by Karen Dunn


The bravest heroes in the land are Captain Sisko and his band
That's Major Kira and her vole, Worf and Dax - her slug and all
They sit by the wormhole singing songs,
That tell how they have righted wrongs.

Once Vampire Vole, a giant rat kept the station folk aback
In fear and trembling every night
In case he gave some-one a bite

Said Jadzia Dax, "we'll lie in wait
And one of us will be the bait."
Said Captain Sisko, "Have no fear for I alone will volunteer!"

"No, make it me" said Major K, "I haven't done a lot today.
If Vampire Vole should want me bled
I'll aim a phaser at his head!"

"A good idea" said Miles O'Brien, "We hide together, we'll be fine.
And when you've overcome resistance,
We'll rush along to your assistance!"

Said Macho Worf, "I have a plan. I'll fetch my Bat'leth when I can
I'll skewer the vole upon its tip
And hurl it through the window quick."

Said Dax, "But with the windows broken
The Air will go - we'll all be chokin'"
Macho Worf just scratched his head
"I hadn't thought of that" he said.

Said Dax, "The rest of us hold back. There's only one that he'll attack."
Said Miles O'Brien, "I like your plan!"
"Good luck" said Dax, "For you're the man!"

So Chief O'Brien, his brow a-sweating
Onto the Promenade went fretting.
Captain Sisko waved his hand, followed by his trusty band
That's Major Kira and her vole, Worf and Dax - her slug and all.

"Stop!" said Sisko, "I hear squeaking."
"It's Kira's vole, " said Worf, "He's speaking."
"It's all in Vole" said Jadzia Dax, "How do we decipher that?"

Said Major K, "I understand. My vole is Odo - ain't he grand?
He's saying that his eyes are fine
And Vampire Vole has caught O'Brien!"

"Quick men!" said Sisko, "no delay
We mustn't let him get away!"
And leaping off said, "Follow me!"
And fell headfirst down lift shaft 3.

Oh how they ran to save O'Brien
For they couldn't stomach Keiko crying
Led along by Kira's vole
As he squeaked directions through the hull

Then Vampire Vole's lair they spied
Were they too late, was he inside?
Said Major K, "I'll get a pole
And stop him going down his hole!"

Then into sight the vole came jogging
Right past his hole, no sign of stopping.
Said Jadzia Dax, "That's rather funny,
There's something swearing in his tummy."

Said Captain Sisko, "You're not lying
Vampire Vole has ate O'Brien!"
And as the rat swore out of sight
Off they chased into the night.

At last they found him, tired and dizzy
And pulled out Miles who said, "Where is he?
For left alone I wasn't brave
And crawled into a warm, damp cave."

Said Worf, "I have to tell you that
You crawled into that Vampire rat."
"That was brave of Miles" said Kira
And backed away as he stepped nearer

The bravest heroes in the land are Captain Sisko and his band
That's Major Kira and her vole, Worf and Dax - her slug and all.
They sit by the wormhole singing songs
That tell how they have righted wrongs.

 

(With sincere apologies and eternal thanks to Captain Beaky. Please don't sue me!!)