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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #324: Having a Carnival Row
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 22 Sep 2019 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review the Doctor Who: Planet of the Spiders audiobook and Amazon’s Carnival Row TV series, discuss the recent BFI Doctor Who event, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:45 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #323: Convention Duo and Hairy Ludo
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 08 Sep 2019 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn discuss their time at the Doctor Who conventions Fan TC Con and Whooverville 11, review the 1986 film Labyrinth, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:54 — Welcome! 01:36 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #322: Puppets and Pompadours
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 25 Aug 2019 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, the Real Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review Doctor Who: The Girl in the Fireplace and The Dark Crystal (1982 film), find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 00:50 — Welcome! 01:46 – News: 01:58 — Star […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #321: Genesis of Dusty Bin
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 11 Aug 2019 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Jean Riddler, Keith Dunn and Steven Clare review Doctor Who: Genesis of the Daleks and Stranger Things 3, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:11 — Welcome! 01:51 – News: 01:59 — The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #320: Splendiferous Spider-man and Spitting Spiridon
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 28 Jul 2019 13:33

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Doctor Who: Planet of the Daleks and the 2019 film Spider-man: Far from Home, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:11 — Welcome! 01:54 – News: 02:05 — […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #319: Stallone Isn’t the Law
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 14 Jul 2019 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn review Big Finish’s Doctor Who: The Tenth Doctor Adventures Volume 3 boxset and the 1995 Stallone film Judge Dredd, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:12 — Welcome! 02:20 […]

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Star Trek

Star Trek: What I saw on the Promenade by Lieutenant John Jones (Deputy)

Written by Karen Dunn


I'm standing outside Quark's today
On guard I'm told or so they say
I have to stay 'til everyone
Has left and gone away.

Our Odo doesn't trust this guy
He says unless I'm here he'll try
To rip off all the customers
For profit everyday.

Oh why I chose Security
Will always always puzzle me
I have no courage in my soul
I never like to fight.

I remember when some Klingons tried
To strangle Quark and eat him fried
I stayed aloof and dignified
And ran away in fright.

I do not like it here, you see
Quark's ears and teeth they frighten me
I do not like the way he tries
To con me of my pay.

He leads me over to the wheels
Where chests on legs cry out with squeals
That if I'm very nice to them
They'll make my lucky day.

I shake my head and turn away
I will not risk my cash today
I will not leave my watching post
I simply am not brave.

I'm meant to watch the walks and halls
If Odo sees, he'll have my balls
And bust me down to Ensign
With a cheery Changeling wave.

So here I stand and watch the crowd
Bajorans can be rather loud
I wish to be on Betazed
Where no-one says a word.

Where no-one shoves and no-one shouts
And gods don't poke their noses out
Where Odo has a wife on hand
At least that's what I heard.

Now Dax trots up with grapes and stands
And throws them singly from her hands
And looks and giggles when they land
Upon poor Odo's head.

And Odo turns round with a growl
Sees Dax a-laughing and he scowls
And shouting, "I'll become an hawk"
Becomes a owl instead.

She flees along the Promenade
With Odo gaining by the yard
She bumps right into Sisko and
She sits upon the floor.

And Odo tells what she has done
And Dax proclaims, "It's all in fun!"
But Sisko says, "Arrest her, son!"
And boots her through the door.

Then Kira leaves the holosuite
Soaking wet from head to feet
Approached the bar and took a seat
Says, "Where the hell's that Trill!?"

And Quark does serve her Vulcan wine
Says, "Dax is locked up doing time
You want to maim her, get in line.
Hey! Come back! Pay your bill!"

She throws him money with a glare
Then runs right past me to the stairs
I wonder whether it is fair
To warn Dax of her plight.

But Odo's made it very clear
I mustn't move a step from here
And should I wander off or veer
He'll leave me here all night.

So leaning out across the rail
I look to see who will prevail
And hear a scream go off the scale
From deep in Odo's place.

Then Kira runs out of the door
And Dax does follow, looking sore
A holochip inserted in
A very private place.

Then Sisko follows at a run
The Captain he has all the fun
Whilst I just stand here feeling glum
And watching life go by.

And as they leave the noise it drops
I wonder who is up in Ops
Protecting us from enemies
Should any happen by.

And then I see the wromhole open
Start to wish I hadn't spoken
As 50 Vorta fighters
Come a-streaming through the rip.

Despite my job I am no fool
I run to Quark's and break my rule
I grab my favourite Dabo girl
And head off for a ship.

And as invaders swamp the halls
I find myself ignoring calls
To take up arms and man my post
Be brave and true as well.

I take the girlie by the arm
Intent on keeping her from harm
And when we hit the docking ring
We run like bloody hell.

 

The End