Recent Blog Entries

Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #274: The Seven Keys to Starbug
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 22 Oct 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Crumbly, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Scott Fuller review Big Finish’s version of the Doctor Who stage play The Seven Keys to Doomsday, the third and fourth episodes of Star Trek: Discovery and the new Red Dwarf episodes Cured and Siliconia, find some general […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #202: Babylon 5 – Phoenix Rising
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 15 Oct 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, roasted, in front of the Season 5 Babylon 5 episode ‘Phoenix Rising’, and spout our usual nonsense! Byron is losing control of more than his flowing locks, Garibaldi has a word with Bester and the rogue telepaths are burning bright. But enough of their […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #273: Captain Ace and a Bout of ST:D
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 08 Oct 2017 08:50

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, the Real Keith Dunn and Scott Fuller review Big Finish’s Doctor Who: Earth Aid audio play, discuss the first two episodes of Star Trek: Discovery, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 02:01 — Welcome! 02:53 – […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #201: Doctor Who – Extremis
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 01 Oct 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, simulated, in front of the 2017 Doctor Who S10 episode, ‘Extremis’, and spout our usual nonsense! The Doctor is doing his Daredevil impersonation, Bill has an unreal feeling and the Monks are definitely meddling. But enough of their problems, please sit down with us […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #272: Doctor Who and those Effing Nanites
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 24 Sep 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Scott Fuller compare TV’s Doctor Who: Dalek and Big Finish’s Doctor Who: Jubilee, play a game, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:10 — Welcome! 02:38 – News: 02:48 […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #200: Babylon 5 – In the Kingdom of the Blind
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 17 Sep 2017 12:24

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, blackmailed, in front of the Season 5 Babylon 5 episode ‘In the Kingdom of the Blind’, and spout our usual nonsense! Byron and his flowing locks are attempting some dirty blackmail, the Centauri Regent has taken to drink and Londo Mollari needs to watch […]

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Star Trek

Star Trek: What I saw on the Promenade by Lieutenant John Jones (Deputy)

Written by Karen Dunn


I'm standing outside Quark's today
On guard I'm told or so they say
I have to stay 'til everyone
Has left and gone away.

Our Odo doesn't trust this guy
He says unless I'm here he'll try
To rip off all the customers
For profit everyday.

Oh why I chose Security
Will always always puzzle me
I have no courage in my soul
I never like to fight.

I remember when some Klingons tried
To strangle Quark and eat him fried
I stayed aloof and dignified
And ran away in fright.

I do not like it here, you see
Quark's ears and teeth they frighten me
I do not like the way he tries
To con me of my pay.

He leads me over to the wheels
Where chests on legs cry out with squeals
That if I'm very nice to them
They'll make my lucky day.

I shake my head and turn away
I will not risk my cash today
I will not leave my watching post
I simply am not brave.

I'm meant to watch the walks and halls
If Odo sees, he'll have my balls
And bust me down to Ensign
With a cheery Changeling wave.

So here I stand and watch the crowd
Bajorans can be rather loud
I wish to be on Betazed
Where no-one says a word.

Where no-one shoves and no-one shouts
And gods don't poke their noses out
Where Odo has a wife on hand
At least that's what I heard.

Now Dax trots up with grapes and stands
And throws them singly from her hands
And looks and giggles when they land
Upon poor Odo's head.

And Odo turns round with a growl
Sees Dax a-laughing and he scowls
And shouting, "I'll become an hawk"
Becomes a owl instead.

She flees along the Promenade
With Odo gaining by the yard
She bumps right into Sisko and
She sits upon the floor.

And Odo tells what she has done
And Dax proclaims, "It's all in fun!"
But Sisko says, "Arrest her, son!"
And boots her through the door.

Then Kira leaves the holosuite
Soaking wet from head to feet
Approached the bar and took a seat
Says, "Where the hell's that Trill!?"

And Quark does serve her Vulcan wine
Says, "Dax is locked up doing time
You want to maim her, get in line.
Hey! Come back! Pay your bill!"

She throws him money with a glare
Then runs right past me to the stairs
I wonder whether it is fair
To warn Dax of her plight.

But Odo's made it very clear
I mustn't move a step from here
And should I wander off or veer
He'll leave me here all night.

So leaning out across the rail
I look to see who will prevail
And hear a scream go off the scale
From deep in Odo's place.

Then Kira runs out of the door
And Dax does follow, looking sore
A holochip inserted in
A very private place.

Then Sisko follows at a run
The Captain he has all the fun
Whilst I just stand here feeling glum
And watching life go by.

And as they leave the noise it drops
I wonder who is up in Ops
Protecting us from enemies
Should any happen by.

And then I see the wromhole open
Start to wish I hadn't spoken
As 50 Vorta fighters
Come a-streaming through the rip.

Despite my job I am no fool
I run to Quark's and break my rule
I grab my favourite Dabo girl
And head off for a ship.

And as invaders swamp the halls
I find myself ignoring calls
To take up arms and man my post
Be brave and true as well.

I take the girlie by the arm
Intent on keeping her from harm
And when we hit the docking ring
We run like bloody hell.

 

The End