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Excerpts from the Staggering Stories Blog:


Staggering Stories Podcast #258: That Osgood and Kate Sound
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 12 Mar 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler and the Real Keith Dunn discuss possibilities for the next Doctor on Doctor Who, review the first three Big Finish UNIT New Series boxsets, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:20 — Welcome! 01:42 – News: 02:04 — […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #257: Holistic Double Banking
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 26 Feb 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Scott Fuller discuss BBC America/Netflix’s ‘Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency’ and Douglas Adams’ time on Doctor Who, play some games, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:20 — Welcome! 02:14 – No news […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #256: The Double Whammy
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 12 Feb 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Scott Fuller discuss Peter Capaldi’s departure from Doctor Who and the legend that was John Hurt, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:25 — Welcome! 02:09 – News: 02:20 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #255: The Six Idiots
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 29 Jan 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins, Fake Keith, Jean Riddler, the Real Keith Dunn and Scott Fuller review the Big Finish Doctor Who boxset ‘Classic Doctors, New Monsters: Vol. 1’ and Sherlock Series 4, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:35 — Welcome! 02:49 […]


Staggering Stories Podcast #254: Bad Awakenings
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 15 Jan 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and the Keith Dunn review the 1966 Doctor Who story ‘The Power of the Daleks’ and the 2016 film ‘Passengers’, say what we’ve been up to recently, find some general news, and a variety of other stuff, specifically: 00:00 – Intro and theme tune. 01:14 — Welcome! 02:18 – […]


Staggering Stories Commentary #189: Doctor Who – The Return of Doctor Mysterio
by Staggering Stories Podcast
Sun, 08 Jan 2017 09:00

Summary: Adam J Purcell, Andy Simpkins and Keith Dunn sit down, supered, in front of the 2016 Doctor Who Christmas special, ‘The Return of Doctor Mysterio’, and spout our usual nonsense! This Doctor is desperate to get Amy back, the Ghost has a baby to monitor and Lucy is channelling Lois Lane. But enough of […]

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Hollycelestamelindar

Chapter One - The Ice Princess


Hollycelestamelindar was loomed in the New Blood House of Sanfaradyne inthe Sanfaradyne forest. She had a fairly happy and normal childhood for ayoung Gallifreyan. She was an extremely bright girl and learned all of herlessons quickly. She had a reputation for being a good and studious pupilduring brainbuffing, which made her an ideal candidate for a Time Lady. Shegot on pretty well with most of her cousins and her older cousin, Guilliamousabodredused to tell her stories about someone called, "The Doctor," which she enjoyedmore than anything else. She used to play the pianlaika and wrote music forit. She also owned several cats (though only one at a time, for that wasall the housekeeper would permit her) and she was always fond of cats.

Holly made her family proud when she was accepted into the Prydonian Academy,where she concentrated in political science. She excelled in all of her classesand never failed anything even once. She proved to be one of the most talentedstudents at the Academy, during her time there. Again, she always lived upto her reputation for being good and studious. As a Junior Time Lady, sheused to have a part-time job selling advertising leaflets in House and TARDIS,which paradoxically was both the cause and funds for her shopping habit.After all, the pay was based partly on commission, which was received fromselling advertising space to paying advertisers, who of course were advertisingsomething she might want to spend money on.

Her Time Lord abilities developed extraordinarily well. She was clearly wellgifted. She particularly excelled at TARDIS operations and her temporal abilitieswere the best in her class. Her powers and abilities were strong, even fora Time Lord. She graduated top of her class with a triple first. She wasencouraged to continue her studies beyond the Academy, and she took a fewmore classes after graduation. She was fascinated by everything there was,although it was assumed that she would probably pursue a career in politics.

However, she was also extremely curious and interested in what life was likeelsewhere in the universe. This led her to take a hiatus from her studiesand apply for an observation post in the Andromeda Galaxy, which still hadmany unexplored territories. Being young, at least for a Gallifreyan, andbeing so well skilled at TARDIS operations, she was an ideal candidate forsuch a post. But her eagerness for it, also concerned the Time Lords, whorecognized that she was perhaps a little too curious and open-minded. Generally,Time Lords were set in their ways and traditions, and although Holly followedall of them and had never rebelled, she always sought a deeper meaning andquestioned some things. It seemed that not only was she gifted with power,but she also had the intelligence to know how to implement it. It was dangerousfor a Time Lord not to be so dogmatic and set in their ways because theirpowers were so great, it was best not to think about them, but to bickerover pointless stuff instead. But on the other hand, she was young and uncorrupted.She had not yet lived for a few thousand years and developed the hunger andthirst for power that Time Lords who looked beyond their stagnated societyusually developed. In the end, it was decided that she could take the observationpost and she was assigned a Type 76 TARDIS and sent to the Seldati sectorof the Andromeda Galaxy. The Time Lords never expressed their concerns toher, as it was felt that if she knew and worried about their concerns, itwould only be more likely to make them true.

The Seldati were a powerful race in Andromeda, and although the Time Lordshad never had any contact with them, they were curious and wanted to knowmore. The Seldati Empire spanned thirty-six worlds that existed in twentystar systems of Andromeda. The Emperor of Seldati Prime ruled all of theworlds. Her mission was simply to observe them and to learn more about them.This was not a high security mission and she was not a CIA agent (she hadrefused several CIA offers, saying she didn't want that kind of life), asthe Time Lords were only curious about the Seldati and not yet concernedwith their achievements. However, she was to tell them nothing about theTime Lords or show them her TARDIS. She was to go incognito and blend inwith the surrounding culture. Most Time Lords (despite having the abilityto communicate with nearly every life from) had trouble adjusting and adaptingto other cultures. But the same characteristic that concerned them abouther possible future also made her a good candidate for the mission; she wouldbe able to adapt well to her surroundings and learn more than one who wastoo set in his ways.

However, there was one thing the Time Lords overlooked; Hollycelestamelindarwas what most humanoids would consider beautiful. And her beauty, along withher charm and intelligence attracted the eye of the Seldati Emperor. Unfortunately,she was naïve and inexperienced when it came to such matters and didnot realize his intentions toward her. It was understandable really; theTime Lords were a much more reserved culture than the Seldati and it wouldnever occur to her to think in those terms. It was not as if it were impossiblefor Gallifreyans to ever fall in love, but she was not just a Gallifreyan;she was a Time Lady. She had been sent to the Academy, received the RassilonImprimature, and trained so vigorously that it was more as if her prioritieslay elsewhere. But even if she had returned the Emperor's affections, shestill would have had to turn his proposal down. Becoming the next SeldatiEmpress would mean becoming involved and interfering in a big way, whichwas forbidden. But even if the Time Lords were to overlook such an egregiousviolation of the edict against interfering, the Emperor would never be ableto overlook the fact that she would never be able to bear children. It wasa given that children were more important to royalty than lovers were. Afterall, he had had four of his previous wives executed because they did notbear him sons within a year. But she only told him that she didn't sharehis feelings, which was true. She felt nothing.

The Seldati Emperor was insulted that she would dare take up so much of histime and efforts only to refuse his proposal that he ordered her executed.He had spent a great deal of energy and time with her, teaching her abouthis people, their customs, their history, and showing her the achievementsof his civilization. And he found her not only beautiful, but exotic andintoxicating because she possessed depth and character he did not find inthe hundreds of princesses who lined up to marry him. They were all so conditionedto follow the Emperor and do whatever he said, but Holly wasn't so submissive.In fact, she was more than just honest about what she thought of his opinionsor ways, she was challenging and even somewhat condescending towards him.But to his mind, she only played so hard to get because she wanted him topursue and conquer her. But when he saw that she could never be conqueredand that she regarded him and his affections as nothing more than sweet andflattering gestures, he became so angry that he ordered her execution ina most bizarre way.

"I want her frozen in a block of ice and placed in West Wing Art Galleryof the Palace," he insisted. "It is only fitting that the woman who repaidmy affections with such cold and icy emotions should die a death of ice.I want her dressed in her most beautiful white gown and wearing a diamondnecklace and for her to have the deepest, coldest stare on her face in thatblock of ice. And I want only one inscription at the base of the sculpture:the ice princess, for that is what she was to me." However, such an executionhad never taken place before and it was necessary for a chamber to be built.So the Emperor ordered that Holly be taken to her chambers and that the doorsbe heavily guarded. "The Doors are to be locked from the outside," he insisted."And two guards must always stand in the front, so as to make sure that shedoes not pick the lock and slip out. And outside her window, there are tobe guards as well, even though it is at the top of the tower, for she isa clever girl and I do not put it past her to try to get out through thewindow and climb down the tower. There must be no way for her to leave inany direction. The roof above her head must be guarded as well as the floorbelow her feet and the walls on all sides. All three dimensions must be coveredand if she escapes, I will execute all of the guards."

The next morning forty of the Emperor's royal guards were executed, whenthe Prince went to the Holly's chamber only to find that she had vanished,along with her wardrobe. There was a note on her bed that said, "Luckilyfor me, you couldn't guard the fourth dimension as well." So the irate Emperorexecuted as many people as possible, as he was rather fond of executions.

 

Chapter Two - The Guy with the Purple Eyes